Confession:

The next time I'm asked the question, "Have you been honest in all your dealings?" I will have to say no. No I have not. I choose not to take full responsibility for this answer. I would like to blame my friends for this one.

You see, I've been happy and content for the past 6 years with my sweet little black purse. My friends would say little is an understatement. "Little black purse? Pffft, it's more like a wallet with a thin strap to throw over your shoulder!". Well, I resent that statement and so does my little black anti-wallet-with-a-strap purse.

I decided after a long close friendship with my purse it was time to find another one.

So I bought a new purse.
It was big.
I mean, really big.
Too big if you ask my husband.
Will I ever get this fashion thing right?
Odds are, probably not.

Now the problem with upgrading from small to super-sized is this. All that I had in my first little purse fits into one small zipper of my new over sized purse. You know it's bad when you have to come up with stuff to shove in your purse so you don't look stupid carrying it around empty. If you have any ideas feel free to shoot them my way.

Well, last night I found the one great advantage of having a larger than life purse. You can sneak food into movie theaters with ease. I'm not talking a couple of candy bars and a ding-dong. I'm talking two full bags of McDonald's drive-thru.

That's 2 boxes of 10 piece nuggets,
1 grilled chicken sandwich,
1 double cheeseburger, no ketchup,
1 biggie sized french fries,
and a handful of assorted dipping sauces (mostly sweet n' sour).

All that food fit into my purse like it was nothing and there was plenty of room to spare. I probably had enough room left over for a six pack of diet coke and a small child.

So I grabbed my fully loaded purse and headed towards the movie theatre with the whole little family trailing behind. Everything was fine until I walk up to the counter and I see a sign that says,

All of a sudden beads of sweat start to fall and the nerves begin to kick in. I start doubting my own food smuggling abilities. What if they ask to check my bag? I can see it now...

Excuse me Ma'am, but we need to check your purse.
What?! My purse? It's just your average ordinary mammoth-sized purse. You shouldn't have to check my p-p-p-purse.
Sorry Ma'am, but there's a suspicious smell originating from your purse.
Smell?! (sniff, sniff) What smell? I, I don't smell anything.
Ma'am, (man leans closer) it smells like a double cheeseburger, no ketchup and a biggie sized french fry.
Ooh, (awkward laugh) that smell. Well, I have one of those new kinds of purses, you know, the scratch and sniff kind (scratch, scratch, scratch). This particular purse happens to be from the new scented burger and french fry line. They're really hard to come by. (awkward laugh continues) Gotta love Ebay!
I apologize Ma'am, but you're gonna have to come with us.
Please, PLEASE don't take me! It's not my fault! It's the purse! The PURSE I tell ya!....

...I shake me head. "Pull yourself together Ginnie". Then I give myself a little pep talk;

Stay calm.
Act casual.
But not too casual.
Don't make eye contact with the ticket guy.
Scratch that.
DO make eye contact with the ticket guy or else he might suspect something.

I casually hand my ticket to the man (not too casual though), he hands it back and unenthusiastically says, "3rd door on the left. Enjoy your movie". Really? That was it? No checking of the purse for smuggled in paraphernalia? No 20 questions about the level of my integrity and my love of fast food? All that concern for nothing?!

So the next time I decide to sneak some more food into a movie am I even going to feel an ounce of guilt? And then what's next? Robbing a bank? Yes, my friends, I'm afraid there's no hope left for me. I've started a continuing downward spiral and it all started with a purse... a huge purse... that my friends pressured me to buy.

And the next time Nate's asked the question, "Have you been honest in all of your dealings?” he will have to answer no as well. He snuck in a large fountain drink full of Dr. Pepper under his coat.

Hey, if I'm going down, I'm not going down alone.
Pray for my soul...
and Nate’s too. :)

PS- I love my friends. If it weren't for them I would still have bangs, still peg my pants, still wear tube socks, still tuck my shirt in, still have a small purse, and still have my integrity. I kid. I kid.