Randomosity

(of the labor & delivery variety)

• Apparently labor is not like riding a bike.
• I think my body has forgotten how to actually do it.
• Why is it that everything you can do to induce labor is almost as bad as labor itself.
• I drank castor oil when I was pregnant with Abrie.
• It was like drinking a box of melted crayons.
• This is just speculation as to what crayons might taste like.
• As far as I'm aware, I don't have history of eating crayons.
• I did gasp in horror the first time someone brought to my attention that some women poop themselves during delivery.
• Perhaps the castor oil is not all that bad.
• Just for the record, I try not to make it a habit of talking about poop... especially the subject of people pooping themselves.
• I think some ways to induce labor were most definitely invented by men.
• Example 1 : Nippage stimuli?
• Really? The only stimulation coming from the nips is the intense urge to reach up and smack someone.
• Example 2: Coitus, relations, hanky-panky, lovin'
• I'm 39 weeks pregnant.
• My body is serving one purpose and one purpose only at this time and that is being an incubator for carrying my spawn.
• Next week it will serve a whole new purpose, which will be a walking dairy.
• I'm currently in the process of planning a girls craft night where will be crocheting T-shirts and making matching bracelets and earrings that read, "Currently out of commission until further notice".
• Everyone is invited.
• Please RSVP.
• I do appreciate the efforts though, of the men in our lives who are so willing to "take one for the team" and "help out for the greater good of the baby".
• I'm trying to convince Nate that the truest form of labor induction is a nightly massage lasting at least one hour.
• He's not fully convinced.
• This is the part where all the women who have had babies step in and testify of how nightly massages put them into labor.
• And all the women who have yet to bare children (just by pure womanly instinct) know that massages will put them into labor when their times comes.
• Dear Nate,
• I know this to be true
• and I love you.
• With love,
• Your wife who wants to birth this child before it grows to be the size of a toddler.
• I do know for sure that there is an end in sight.
• I will be induced this Monday at 7:00 am.
• Which means I have two more nights of semi-uninterrupted sleep.
• Which also means in two more days I will have a whole new list of randomosity (of the post-birth variety).

. . . .