Raw

This past week has brought a bitter sweet.

After a long battle of cancer and multiple strokes my Grandma who I so lovingly refer to as "my sexy grandma" has passed away.

The bitter of course is feeling the sting of her absence in our lives and missing her dearly, but the sweet far out weighs the bitter...

Sweet knowing that she is free from her body that has kept her prisoner for the past 4 years.
Sweet knowing that she will no longer feel pain.
Sweet knowing that families are eternal.
Sweet knowing that she will be reunited with her parents and 8 siblings that preceded her in death.
Sweet knowing that she'll be partying it up in heaven (but I can't imagine it would be much of a party without a Wendy's chocolate frosty, a sour kraut dog from Wiener schnitzel & a diet Coke.)
Sweet knowing that she has left a rich legacy behind with her 2 children, 14 grandchildren, and 43 great grandchildren (with 4 more on the way).
Sweet knowing that I will see her again someday.

I was able to spend the day with her along side her bed the day before she passed away. I hugged her & loved her as she laid there quietly; unable to speak because she was too weak, so I did the talking for the both of us.

I reminded her how of how much I loved her and I assured that I knew that I was her favorite grandchild and I promised not to tell the others.

I told her that she would always be "my sexy grandma".

I told her that this sweet child we would be having would be her namesake. And if she had the energy she would have reached up and smacked me upside the head and said something along the lines of, "Oh no you don't!". (She's never liked her name.)

I asked her if she would take care of my baby, just for a little bit, until she reaches my arms. And then I leaned down and gently kissed her head and asked her if she wanted me to go grab her a sour kraut dog from Wienerschnitzel and then I laughed and cried both at the same time. (My grandma never liked it when things got too serious.)

I left that evening with the intentions of going home, but something kept drawing me back to her. So I returned later that evening and slowly, one by one, I was joined by 5 other of my siblings with those same exact feelings.

We all gathered around her bed side and sang hymns to her. We sat by her and held her hands and rubbed her legs and assured her that it was okay to close her eyes. She fought to keep her eyes open the whole day and refused to close them until my mom came late that night. We all stood back quietly observing while my Mom held her hand and said, "It's okay Mom, I'm here... you can go to sleep now." And slowly my sweet grandma closed her eyes for the last time and let her body relax.

She decided it was finally okay to let go.

She was an amazing woman, a woman after my own heart.
I'm grateful that I was able to call her my Grandma,
but mostly I'm thankful for all the fond, wonderful, and funny memories she's left behind for me.

I will love her forever and for always.



It's not good bye,
just good bye for now...

...