We arrived at the hospital at 7:00 am.
They started me on pitocin and I got my epidural by 8:30.
At 8:33 I professed my love to the anesthesiologist & assured him he was worth every penny I'd be paying him.
The midwife broke my water at 8:50.
I was ready to push by 10:45 am.
At 10:46 I apologized profusely about any bodily function that may occur during the delivery.
At 10:47 I apologized for "unattractive scenery" I'd be providing the midwife and the nurse for the next 10 minutes.
After a push and a half, little baby Eden made her way into the world at 10:57am.
* * * * *
Any sense of pride and modesty was thrown out the window from the moment I walked through the hospital doors.
::actual conversation::
Lactation specialist: "May I see your breast?"
(I figure, to a lactation specialist, asking to see someones breast is just as similar as asking to see their elbow... an elbow with a nipple)
Me (attempting to feed the baby): "Why yes, yes you may?"
Lactation specialist (inspecting the goods): "Your baby should be able to feed quite nicely."
Me (trying to figure out how to respond): "Oh, well thank you."
(maybe it was intended to be a compliment)
The lactation specialist proceeds to grab my right "sister" and helps the baby latch on.
Lactation specialist: "Look at that! That is such a good latch. Isn't that a nice latch nurse Cherie?"
Nurse Cherie (who'd been quietly observing from the opposite side of the bed): "Oh yes, such a nice latch."
For a brief moment I felt like I was in the middle of an Saturday Night Live skit.
The role of Nurse Cherie would be played by Molly Shannon,
the lactation specialist would be Rachel Dratch,
and I would be Pamela Anderson (guest hosting of course)
because as of right now we have two things in common.
They started me on pitocin and I got my epidural by 8:30.
At 8:33 I professed my love to the anesthesiologist & assured him he was worth every penny I'd be paying him.
The midwife broke my water at 8:50.
I was ready to push by 10:45 am.
At 10:46 I apologized profusely about any bodily function that may occur during the delivery.
At 10:47 I apologized for "unattractive scenery" I'd be providing the midwife and the nurse for the next 10 minutes.
After a push and a half, little baby Eden made her way into the world at 10:57am.
* * * * *
Any sense of pride and modesty was thrown out the window from the moment I walked through the hospital doors.
::actual conversation::
Lactation specialist: "May I see your breast?"
(I figure, to a lactation specialist, asking to see someones breast is just as similar as asking to see their elbow... an elbow with a nipple)
Me (attempting to feed the baby): "Why yes, yes you may?"
Lactation specialist (inspecting the goods): "Your baby should be able to feed quite nicely."
Me (trying to figure out how to respond): "Oh, well thank you."
(maybe it was intended to be a compliment)
The lactation specialist proceeds to grab my right "sister" and helps the baby latch on.
Lactation specialist: "Look at that! That is such a good latch. Isn't that a nice latch nurse Cherie?"
Nurse Cherie (who'd been quietly observing from the opposite side of the bed): "Oh yes, such a nice latch."
For a brief moment I felt like I was in the middle of an Saturday Night Live skit.
The role of Nurse Cherie would be played by Molly Shannon,
the lactation specialist would be Rachel Dratch,
and I would be Pamela Anderson (guest hosting of course)
because as of right now we have two things in common.
13 comments:
only difference - yours are full of milk, hers - silicon :)
Reason # 852 why I haven't had another baby in the hospital - I had the priviledge of being a "teaching" case for nursing students when I delivered Sophia. Including having my milk passed around and examined for fat content :)
you are just to funny!! your daughter is such a little cutie, you are blessed! enjoy EVERY moment because as you know, they grow way to fast!
You are making me and my mom giggle! Love your perspective on life! :) Call me if you need anything at all!
Ginnie I love you!! you are so funny, Eden is so beautiful, congrats!!
I love you! I was laughing my head off reading this in bed, but trying not to laugh too loud and wake up James. So funny. I could totally picture the "episode."
I need to come see you, I wish it wasn't such a long drive.
YOU seriously provide me with much entertainment! Thanks for the laughs! I love your humor!
Your lactation conversation sounds awefully similar to the one I had later that day...minus nurse Cherie. Oh, and my lactation specialist told me to take my shirt off first, if I was comfortable with that. Lactation specialists are a different breed! Thanks for the giggle!
You are soooo funny. You are actually way better looking than Pamela. ANY TIME!!!
You crack me up. You are even funny (maybe even more so) on lack of sleep!
This is hilarious! :) You are so funny... Don't you love delivery? Each experience is so unique....:)
oh ginnie, I needed that the smorning, so thank you for my morning laugh!! I wish I could come and hang out in your brain for a while, I think I would be laughing the whole time!!
oh ginnie, I needed that the smorning, so thank you for my morning laugh!! I wish I could come and hang out in your brain for a while, I think I would be laughing the whole time!!
You are soooooo hilarious!!!! I'm still laughing!!! I love your posts!!! I'm with Jenny! I think it would be a blast hanging out in your brain for a while!!!
Sidenote, after I had my 3rd baby, the nurse kept coming in and asking me if my milk had come in, (the first time only a few hours after delivery) and if I had put my bra on yet. The next day she asked the same. I finally told her that I don't put my bra on until I leave the hospital! She said okay and didn't ask me again. However, my roomate (her 2nd baby) obediently put hers on after being told to the first time. Hahaha! Of course your baby is beautiful! Congratulations!!
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