I wish I had a shirt for that

So last year, after I had Macie, I decided it was time to hit the gym. So 4 weeks or so postpartum my friend Emily and I made a visit to our local gym. After walking through the gym doors I suddenly found myself surrounded by all these thin, rock hard gym goers. They were weightlifting and stair stepping as if there were no tomorrow. I then got a good glimpse in the mirror of my excess stomach rolls, and my motherly hips and thighs (which seemed to make a clapping noise every time I would take a step). And no matter how hard I tried I just could not suck in my stomach, not even a good girdle or duct tape could hold that sucker in (You know it's bad when you walk and you feel your stomach bouncing along). As people passed by me I almost felt the need to explain to them that it was OK that I looked like this because I just had a baby. Then I had the ingenious idea that instead of explaining myself to everyone it would be great to have a shirt that explained all. The shirt would go a little something like this;

"No, I"m not fat (well maybe just a little bit), I just had a baby".

Here are some other shirts that would come in handy;

"No, I'm not fat (well maybe just a little bit), I'm pregnant"

As you can tell, shirt #2 is very similar to shirt#1. But I felt it was the only way to clearly get the point across. This shirt would obviously be worn during those "hard to tell" months of pregnancy. I will also be making a velcro attachment that says "I'm bloated". Simply place it over "I'm pregnant" and there you have it...two shirts in one. And yes, the velcro attachment can be interchangeable with both shirt #2 and shirt #1...(I know, I'm thoughtful like that). Next we have;

"Yes, there real"

This one I hesitated to put on, but I just couldn't resist. Only a few of you will find humor in this. This shirt is intended for those women who are not "well endowed" like myself, yes it is true...sad, but true. So you ask yourself "why would I want to wear a shirt that exaggerates how flat I am?" I haven't quite figured that out yet, but some where in my odd little mind I find humor in it. *rules or stipulations for wearing this shirt: this shirt is not intended for the "well endowed" (that would take the humor completely out of the shirt, therefore making you look conceded) or those who've had an "enhancement" (that would be considered false advertising).

"Yes, they are all my kids, and no, they're not triplets"

Would you believe that someone actually asked me if my kids were triplets. I guess Kaleb is a little small for his age, but honestly people... triplets?

"Yes, I know what causes pregnancy"

I did attend my 5th grade maturation program , and might I add I passed with flying colors. In fact I was so knowledgeable that the teacher asked me to teach the class.

"I'm just multiplying and replenishing"

...no comment.

Honorable mention;

"Sarcasm...just one of my many talents"

I can't take credit for this one. I saw some guy wearing a shirt that said this. Nate would probably say, forget the shirt, you should have it tattooed on your forehead. I'll have to consider that one.

All of these shirts come in an array of colors and sizes from S/M/L/XL. Please note that I do not carry XS seeing as it is an unrealistic size that only my 4 year old daughter could fit into. And if you'd like, I do have a bedazzeler to add some jewels to your shirt to give it that extra little something. Shirts are going fast so place your order soon.

Just curious, if you had a shirt what would it say? Please share, maybe we could go into business together.