Opinions Please

I have this "friend" who went to a salon to get her eyebrows waxed, because I'm sure it's written in many conference talks and in the scriptures (I'll give you the reference for it later) that the un-tamed, un-waxed, un-beautiful eyebrows are an abomination... or something like that (ummmm, could you not quote me on that).

This "friend" doesn't like to spend a lot of money so she called around to find the best price. She knew she found the place when the people at the salon answered the phone and said, "I give yu goo deal" immediately followed by, "yu wan ham fry rie wis sat?".

My "friend" rushed over to the salon and anxiously awaited her turn.

Soon a women called out, "Wha lady wan eyebow wax?". My "friend" jumped up and quickly followed the women to the eyebrow waxing section, which was only a pedicure chair surrounded by other lady's who were busy getting their bunions exfoliated.

Slightly awkward? Yes. A little out of place? Yes. And now that I think about it, where's my "friends" ham fried rice.

My "friend" sits down for a couple of minutes and WAM, BAM, thank you Mam!... It was done. Actually, it was more like RIP, TEAR, sharp STING, OUCH, I think you might have pulled off some flesh.... and it was done.

My "friend" awkwardly climbs out of the seat and casually walks up to the front desk to pay, pretending that the newly exposed flesh above and below the brow is supposed to be there. The lady hands my "friend" the credit card receipt for her to sign. My "friend" takes the receipt, signs it, hands it back to the lady, and says thank you (being kind not to bring up the issue of the no-ham-fried-rice situation).

After my "friend" climbs into her car/mini-van/love-mobile she realizes that in the midst of the throbbing and pulsating of her eyebrows that she had forgotten to leave a tip. So she climbs back out of her car and walks back into the store; the women responds, "Yu wan mo eyebow wax?". "No, no, no.. no.... ummm, NO. I'm good." my friend continues, "I think I forgot to tip you. Did I tip you?". The lady in return replies, "No. No tip". So my "friend" hands her a couple dollars and walks out the door wondering why anyone would tip someone for inflicting pain on them.

Several days later my "friend" was going through her bank accounts statements via her husband and found that the amount billed for the eyebrow wax was more than what was on the original receipt. My "friend" was not too happy about that.

Short story long, the lady at the salon had taken advantage of my "friend's" fragile and unfocused state and wrote in her own tip when my "friend" forgot to leave one. She didn't write out a huge amount, but still... isn't that kind of like stealing?

Here's where you come in,
My "friend" is having a dilemma of what she should do.

Is it worth it to go in and request the money back? She would probably waste that much money in gas just to drive back there. And even then, how could she prove that this lady wrote in her own tip? What to do, what to do.

So I was kind of hoping that, you, my fellow bloggies could help out. Maybe you could write out a little dialogue for me, I'm mean my "friend" and tell her what to say.

Or maybe we could just role play. You be the stealing lady at the nail salon and I'll be my "friend" who got ripped off....

it will be fun!

Evolution of the Family...

1. See that twinkle in my Mom's eye? Yep, that's me. The family is not yet complete. I imagine I'm in heaven singing, "Who are these children coming down, coming down..."

2. I'm so bummed I missed out on the matching Mother/Daughter outfits. My mom tells me she made all of them by hand. So domestic she is.
3. Awesome glasses. I think my Dad still has them.
4. Despite what it may look, that is not a toupee. At least I'm pretty sure it's not.
5. I'm loving the EXTREME part-age of the hair. It's a like a comb-over except kid style.

1-5. The early 80's were not kind to the hair. Not kind at all.
6. Really? Do they make 'em any cuter than that?
7. Pearl Necklace? Doesn't she know pearls age a person by at least 10 years. Really she's only like 7 years old, add the pearl necklace and BAM! She's 17.

1. Hand in pocket, head tilted slighty, sassy smile. She could have totally been a Jordache model.

2. Blue background. Nothing but the best for my family.

3. My most favoritest red dress ever. My grandma sent it to me when we lived in Chile. Really, we lived in Chile. That explains my extensive knowledge and comprehension of Español ... Yo quiero Taco Bell.

4. Working the pearl necklace again. Will she ever learn?

1. Check out the faded vignetting. It's like we're floating in the clouds, but we're not. I think I can hear angels singing..."who are these children coming down, coming down..." no wait, that's just me.
2. The "claw" makes its first appearance (version #1).

3-4. Go big or go home. So, maybe the 80's altogether weren't kind to the hair.

5-6. This picture would be so much better if they were wearing sweater vests.

1. Something's never go out of style. Take the classic side-spike for example.

2. Version #2 of the "claw". It still achieves the same height as the first version, just minus the ratting and teasing.

3. Turtle necks; a must have for every wardrobe. I prefer the turtle necks with shoulder pads.

4. I went through a phase where I never smiled with teeth... this was the outcome. Did I mention I speak Chinese as well?

1. It doesn't get better than denim on denim. I mean, who didn't own a button-up denim shirt in the early 90's? I still have mine... wear it all the time.

2. I was going to wear my hemp necklace, but opted to wear my leather one with a dolphin emblem attached. Now that I'm looking at it I should have gone with the hemp.

3. True to kiddie kandids fresh and creative style, my Dad's head is gently propped on top of his hand. It really gives this picture that extra little "something".

4. My sister emptied several cans of aerosol hairspray that day... just a friendly contribution to global warming.

5. My bangs have seen better days.

1. Not much to say about this one, except we upgraded from the denim on denim to the khaki, white & denim. We're moving up in the world.

1. Mine and Nate's wedding... so sweet!

My colors were sage green and cream with a little bit of purple thrown into the mix. I don't know why I chose those colors. In fact, I don't know why I chose to do half of the things I did for my wedding. My ultimate goal was more the married part, not so much the part where you actually have to plan it.

My family is getting bigger....

and bigger...

1. Notice Kaleb's hand is down his pants... that's normal, right?

...and finally after 40 some odd years of baby making this is what you get.

One BIG honkin' family.

That's 2 parents + plus 8 kids +plus their spouses +

31 grandkids +2 on the way

=way too many to count

Usually, when we get together at family functions it's too complicated to try to remember everyone's names so we just usually yell, "hey, you!"

Here is the family run down from oldest to youngest:

1. Stacy

2. Tauna

3. Kristin

4. Daryl

5. Jody

6. Devin

7. Tyson

8. Me

I love my family...

We put the "FUN" in disFUNctional.

(Just ask Nate or any of my in-laws, they'll agree.)

Hey, don't judge...

Sure, my child's walking around half naked.
Sure, my child's underwear is turned around backwards.
Sure, my child's underwear happens to be little boy's underwear...

...but, at least she's not naked. (At least not in this picture anyway)

I can't help it if little boy's underwear are more fun to wear than girl ones. I'm just happy she's partially clothed.

So I guess I've got big news to share.
We are officially out of diapers (we, as in Macie. Please don't confuse we with me, because last time I checked I've been diaper free for quite sometime now. I'll have to check my journal for the exact date).

We are making history here folks. This will be the first time in almost 6 years that I don't have to change a diaper. Can I get hallelujah?!

So, I'm excited about the potty training thing. My Mom on the other hand... not so much. I think Macie has pooped on her new carpet about 5 times already and diarrhea-ed on it once. My mom only knows of 2 times. What she doesn't know won't hurt her. And also, my family when they come to visit says that there's a strange stench in the house. I just sniff the air and say, "hmmm, really? That's weird. I don't smell anything" then I quickly go and light a match to clear the evidence.

Macie has been kind enough, when she pee's her pants, to do it outside on my Mom's porch. She has squatted once or twice outside and planted a nice little poopie in my mom's flower garden (hey, it's good fertilization) and in my Mom's sand box (I imagine it's like kitty litter, but for kids).

Aside from my new task of cleaning out Macie's little skid marks in her undies and cleaning up my Mom's [now] fecal contaminated carpet and going through multiple pairs of underwear a day and sanitizing the bathroom floor from Macie's hydro-powered pee blasts, the potty training experience as been pretty good.

PS- Nope, I'm not planning on changing anymore diapers anytime soon... unless you know something that I don't know. Do you know something I don't know? Just let me know if you receive any revelation for me.

PPS- Can we kinda' keep the pooping-5-times-on-my-mom's-carpet between us? Thanks. I still need to live in her house for a little bit longer and we wouldn't want anything to ruin that, now would we.

I Miss My People...

My people who I've left behind on the humid east coast.
My people who've moved from the east coast, but chose not to join me in ZION.
(Really, I hear all the money is in Utah.
Who needs New Mexico, Arizona, Montana, Colorado, and Alaska?
And specializing?! Who needs to specialize?
Pffft, I mean, I guess.. if you want to make lots of money)
My people who "suffered" through dental school with me.
(really it wasn't suffering. I know that especially now)
My people who had real jobs, and real lives, and lived in the real world.
(They weren't dental people. They were real people, as opposed to the not real ones)
My people who let me come to their homes and feed me dinner.
(those people get extra points for the dinner part)
My people who supplied me with a quick caffeine kick when I was in need.
My people who made me take my lazy behind to the gym.
My people who would play surrogate Mother/Father to my children.
(there were many)
My people who took the place of my family while I was away.
My people who appreciated my crude humor....
(actually I can only think of one, maybe two. Three would probably be pushing it)
My people who were kind enough to give me courtesy laughs just to boost the ego.
(my self-esteem thanks you)
My people who would make awesome desserts and share the love.
(my butt and thighs thank you)
My people who were great guinea pigs for my photography.
(except they made much prettier models than guinea pigs,
not that I have anything against guinea pigs)
My people who would kindly tell me my son is streaking naked across the apartments and not judge... at least not in front of my face.

I miss my people who were my people.

Lucky for me, some of my other people live in Utah
And Utah is full of more potential my people... they just don't know it yet.

Much love to my people here, there and everywhere!

Free Fallin' - John Mayer

I'm lovin the remake of this song.
Seriously, I think it's one of the best songs since More Than Words by Extreme, and I'm Too Sexy For My Shirt by Right Said Fred.

So turn up the volume, sit back, and give it a listen.

No one is safe

Lots of things have changed since we've moved back home; like the kids going to bed at a decent hour, Me not cooking dinner... oh, wait! that hasn't changed, any type of regular schedule, and Nate's struggle with narcolepsy (I suggest you click on the link to fully understand the rest of the post).

Tried as I may, I have not been able to get one sleeping picture of Nate since we've been home. Scratch that. I tried once and Nate woke up catching me in the act, then the words, "erase that picture from the camera please" soon followed. Alas, my sneaky attempt had been foiled.

The truth is, since we've been home, I rarely find Nate's body curled upon the kitchen floor or laying lifeless in the chair dead asleep. I've tried to get him to fall asleep, but all attempts failed. He just doesn't do it. It kind of makes the How-long-will-it-take-Nate-to-fall-asleep-game not as much fun. I think I've broken him beyond repair. Something to do with his incessant wife always taking pictures of him at his most vulnerable points.

So since Nate is taking extra shots of caffeine to stay awake to avoid me and my camera, I must move on to my next victim. And the lucky winner is...

My Dad. (No, I don't just go around taking pictures of homeless people asleep on picnic tables in the park. Now, that would be rude.)

I just love my Dad. And you will too.

I can't promise you pictures of him asleep on the kitchen floor, but I will do my best. Oh, and Nate... you're still not safe. (I love you honey)

Melts in the hands, not in the mouth

The life of a Mom is scattered with many moments that can either make you laugh or cry... or make you go on a high dose of anti-depressants.

Today, although the other two options were completely feasible, I chose to laugh.

My dearest Macie; how I love her so, despite her sneaky and naughty ways. Getting into trouble has just become something to be expected by Macie. Usually it's marker or crayon drawn all over the wall or smearing poopie diapers on the floor. This time that was not the case.

This is Macie. Her face rendered unrecognizable due to the massive amounts of...

chocolate (I had you fooled for minute).

All I could do when I saw this little smeared chocolate face was laugh... laugh...
and laugh some more.
The laughing stopped right about the time that I realized I was the one who actually had to clean up the mess. Yep, really not so funny at all.

Note to self: find better hiding place for chocolate or duct tape Macie's hands together.

Viva Los Cabos!

It's been two weeks since Nate and I have come back from our little excursion to Cabo, Mexico so I figured it was time to post some pictures.

Before we arrived in Cabo we were warned to not talk to the time share sales people...
Rule #1: avoid eye contact at all costs.
Rule #2: Just say NO!
I was weak and wavered. I made a brief, but fatal error. In complete disregard for rule #1, I made eye contact. Then I completely forgot about rule #2 altogether. I couldn't help it, they were too enticing. They used words like free food, and free spa trips, and free snorkeling... free, free, free! It was all too much for me to handle.
Long story short, Nate and I signed up for two time share presentation, but this is what we got out of it:

• $300 for food
• $60 in transportation to and from the airport
• Free snorkeling and sailing
• Free ATV rides
• Free kayaking
• 2 spa certificates for massages

We went to the time share presentations.
We didn't buy.
The time share people cursed our names,
but we didn't care because we got our free stuff.
End of story.

Moving on,

The place where we stayed was absolutely beautiful.
This is the view to the right of our balcony....

and this was the view to the left.

Oh, and this was the view looking down onto the railing of our balcony.
As you can plainly see, the sign states:
No shirt, No pants, and No skirts allowed to be worn on the balcony.
It's a crazy rule, but if they insist...

Me and my dental friend, Emily, on our free sailing/snorkeling trip.

Apparently, Cabo is known for this Arch.
This side of the arch is called Lovers Beach.
The other side of the arch is called divorce beach, I kid you not.

Awww, sweet!
I look like I just rolled out of bed.
Sad thing is, is I didn't.

Our amigos, Traver and Emily.

Awkward moment.
There's a man serenading us.
Am I supposed to sing along?
Am I supposed to clap?
Is it OK to make eye contact?
I couldn't decide what to do,
so I just sat and smiled and smiled some more.
And I still look like I rolled out of bed.

The marina...
Part of the view from the beach...
Our free ATV rides.
And the bandanna's aren't just for looks.
Lets just say I never knew how literal the phrase, "eat my dust" was until that day.

The four of us.
Amy and Daegan, you were with us in spirit.
We missed you guys!

Hangin' out at the pool.
Please pardon the censorship.
Some things are too sacred to show.

The Giggling Marlin.
Where they hang you upside down and take your picture.
I didn't give it a try.

I don't think they stand out as tourist at all.


This is the view out the door of our room.
So beautiful.
Me and my honey.
The time was short.
The time was sweet.
The time was well deserved.
It's nice to get a way, kid free and stress free and just have fun....

It's especially good for the marriage...

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Good times, good times!

Ask and You Shall Recieve

For those who requested (and those who didn't) this post is for you.

Before reading this I recommend checking out the below post for this to make sense, and even after reading the below post it still probably won't make sense. I get a little confused myself.

The first story is the craigs list ad and the second is Nate's response. In my opinion the mans ad was a little odd and borderline crazy. He lost me at, "And it came to pass". Nate's, on the other hand, I thought was pretty funny and clever. He was most likely inspired by the spirit.

This ad caused a little controversy due to it's title "the tent of the Anti-Christ" and sacrilegious content. Apparently I wasn't I offended, just entertained.

The craigs list ad:
And it came to pass in the days of Steven and Nancy that a voice came unto him compelling him to go forth from the domicile provided unto him by hand of Nancy and purchase unto himself a tent……….

A tent of prodigious proportions created by the masters of the Far East who stood unto 8 feet tall in the manuscript that came with the tent, even though the residents of the area and the regions around that area where known to be men of smaller stature. And the tent was to be of an unusual shape with a domed center like the common and well known yurt of the local herdsmen, and yet it had unto itself three strange projections that made the tent to be of the shape of half of a star and to be yet larger than 6 cubits by 6 cubits by 6 cubits.

And this did make him feel uneasy. For it was of an unholy shape and of unholy numbers, yet the directive in the manuscript did promise him much ease of erection and whiles of repose in the close comfort of the tent for lo, it was made with it’s skeleton within it not unlike a large spider. And thus was the web spun………….

For the 7 foot tall Oriental of the manuscript demonstrated through pictographs that the tent should be easily erected by the mere grasping of the head point and the proper movement of force would indeed place the skeleton of the tent into it’s proper structure supporting the tent and it’s projections of 6 cubits by 6 cubits by 6 cubits for the comfort and ease and repose of all the affluence of the loins of Samuel and Dora and Moishe and Ruth lo unto even and including Steven and Nancy and any effluence that they may yet produce.

And thus was he led into darkness of the valley of the tent of the anti-Christ, where no comfort is given, and no respite is found and all the days of his life where spent cursing the progenitors of the race of 8 foot tall Orientals and all the ancestors and progeny of the 8 foot tall Orientals, for in the rain and the wind and the darkness of all the campgrounds of his wandering he could not bring the tent to fruition with out much vexation and abuse of the many names of the Lord, and lo did he wrestle long with the tent and the manuscript even like Job and the Angel of the Lord with no satisfaction, till he did crawl onto an Irish reclining lounge [patty o’furniture] and pull unto himself a large tarp and bottle of spirits where he did recline in his misery and vow to give unto any who would take it away from his abode forever the Tent of The Anti-Christ.

Come and get it if you dare

remember,
Jesus loves you!
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the Tent of the Anti-Christ has chosen it's next victim

a man known at Nate,

read now his story and be forewarned

Please turn with me now, to Nathan Chapter 1: 1-7

Nate wrote:

To the one with a burden... For in the days of the Great Depression there was a man called Franz Guztav. And Franz begat Amos, and Amos begat, Scott who is the husband of Kelly. And so it was that Kelly, who obtained a normal uprising of goodly parents through the Lord, at the time of Woodstock met her one and only, Scott.

And Kelly begat a son who is Nate. A son that through his father learned the ways of the tent.

And it came to pass that in those days, Nate gained a special understanding that all tents are good. And those that are bad, with recompense and Godly sorrow may also become good. For there are none that are not loved in the eyes of the Lord (and Nate.) And so it came to pass that the years past and Nate met a woman a fair and begat sons and daughters of his own.

And thus it was that Nate and his family traveled afar to seek knowledge and understanding in the ways of Dentistry. And he came unto the “Temple” (University) to be taught on high of those with a greater understanding that would bring unto him the knowledge beyond our understanding and so great they cannot be written.

And being warned of God, at this time twenty and seven years since his birth, Nate was told that any shelter used in the forces of nature must circumscribe his wife, and son and daughters, and any other children that may come to pass. For, for this cause Nate had much concern for his family and the need for natural shelter.

And the answer came in the form of a dove descending saying, “Please, please take it away… for it is the Anti-Christ.” And Nate knew that this was not his natural mind speaking but that this was the answer from on high, not only was he able to provide shelter, he was herby presented a soul in need of recompense. A tent who’s life was led by the adversary and was about to abruptly come to a halt through change by one who was learned in the ways of the tent. For it was inspiration that this tent be presented a loving home.

And lo, this was the man’s, called Nate, request. That he be given the tent for unto him is given the ability to make it work and to provide peace unto those who have been so burdened. May your life never be burdened by fallen tents that are misled. Amen

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Now that we've been edified and purified by the spirit can I get an amen?! How about a hallelujah?! Now raise your hands in the air and say, "I believe, I believe!"

Join us next week at the church of Nate where we will discuss how cleanliness is next to Godliness and only those who fold their socks, not roll them, will make it to heaven.