Roller Derby Diva in Training

• Roller skates ......................Check
• Hot shorts ..........................Check
• Fish net stockings ...............She can borrow mine
• Protective gear....................Check
• Speed & agility....................What she lacks in talent she makes up for in spirit
• The intimidation factor....... Probably not going to happen anytime soon

For Christmas Abrie begged and pleaded for Santa Clause to bring her "the swimming baby". Sadly, Santa did not deliver this year. Santa simply couldn't see the practical use for a swimming baby when the child rarely goes swimming in the first place. So Santa brought a cheap pair of knock off roller skates instead. Little did Santa know what an impact these skates would have on a 5 year old little girl. Instead of becoming a veterinarian, she now wants to pursue a long life career as a Roller Derby-est. This was the best investment Santa could have made.

Roller Derby Race.... Take 1
The Starting Line



Roller Derby Race.... Take 2
Who Says You Can't Cheat Your Way to the Top

Roller Derby.... Take 3
Third Time's the Charm

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbors Dishwasher

Father, forgive me for I have sinned. It's been a long time since my last confession (actually I've never been to confession... different religion, but just go with it). Besides the sin of gluttony and being slothful, I have committed the sin of coveting. I've tried hard Father not to desire after my neighbors worldly possessions. I try to clear my mind of all the envy and lustful thoughts that enter in, but today I have failed. While scraping the dried eggs and hardened cheese off of my plates and scouring the bowls of shriveled up cheerios (for over an hour), I entertained my carnal desires and thoughts of having my neighbor’s dishwasher.

Please forgive me; it was a moment of weakness. I promise to do better (until the next time I have to do dishes). I also promise not to covet my neighbors,

• washer & dryer
• clean house
• sinks that drain
• toilets that flush
• (and while we are on the subject) toilets that aren't blue
• carpet that you dare to walk barefoot on
• a bathroom that doesn't have its own ecosystem
• doors that aren't paper thin
• cars that aren't mini vans

I ask for forgiveness this day (and pray that I don't get stuck by lighting from being sacrilegious). Amen

6 Things (Thing #5)

Welcome to TSIA (The Spending Impaired Anonymous). Please introduce yourself.
Hi. My name is Ginnie and I'm, ummmm... frugal. My friends would say that I'm cheap. In which case, I can't really consider them my friends, because friends who call friends cheap aren't really your friends. I actually prefer the terms spending conscious, economical, money smart, budget oriented, prudent (not to be confused with prude), & parsimonious (honestly, I've never used that word my whole life. I just wanted to throw that one in there).

Hmmm, I see. How long has this been a problem?
Well, ever since I can remember. I think it's like a genetic defect or something.

Are there any childhood experiences that might have had an impact on you being cheap. Oh, excuse me, I mean "frugal"?
Oh ya, lots I'm sure. Like this one time, I asked my Mom to take me to my friend’s house up the street and her response was, "Ginnie, you know it takes a lot of gas to just start the car." To this day it pains me to stop and start the car if it is unnecessary.

Nate one day used this knowledge against me. We were having a "disagreement" and I expressed to him that I would prefer to have the car left on instead of having to stop and then start the car to save gas. Knowing he had all power since he was in the driver’s seat, he blatantly disregarded my request and turned the car off, then on.... then off, then on. I know, you are most likely in shock too. That was a pretty low blow. I'm still hurt over that one. He, on the other hand, thought he was the funniest thing ever. He couldn't have been more wrong. Nope honey, I'm still not laughing.

Your husband obviously has some pent-up anger issues. He should consider counseling.
I will look into that.

Are there any other issues we need to be aware of?
Yes.

• When we go out to eat I don't like Nate to order drinks because they cost extra. He does anyway.
• I had a broken fan that Nate wanted to throw away. But I convinced him I could fix it. And I did.

Let's go in for a closer look...Let's go in for a closer look...

Just a little tape and propping it up against the wall so it doesn't fall over and it's good to go! (I regret to inform you that Nate has thrown away my, good as new, fixed fan)

• We also have a broken lampshade that I fixed with tape.
• I refuse to by anything, unless it is on sale. And an ugly shirt always becomes a whole lot cuter as soon as I find out that it's 75% off.
• I go for quantity, not quality. Nate is the exact opposite.
• I would rather not get anything for my birthday then to have Nate spend a lot of money (I might regret saying this two weeks from now). To me it's like asking a friend for money just so you can by them a gift. All I really want is a coupon that says: Free massage & breakfast in bed. (Hint, hint!)
• I cut my own kids hair. We all know how well that goes over.
• I don't like Nate to buy me flowers because I think they are a waste of money. All they do is die. Apparently I'm not that romantic.

There are a lot more things that I'm forgetting to add, but I'm sure some of you will help remind me. Now I need to list some things I'm not cheap on, as to keep any shred of dignity I might have left.

• Toilet paper. I do not skimp on this! Two-ply is the ONLY way to go. This is something men will never understand
• Going out to eat. When I say going out to eat, I don't mean Olive Garden every night. I'm talking about hittin' the Wendy's dollar menu. You can't beat a Jr. Bacon cheese burger for a dollar.

Yep, toilet paper and food... that pretty much sums it up!

Danger: Watch For Falling Babies Macie!

My whole life just got a lot harder. Macie has discovered the art of escaping from the crib.

OK, so perhaps I'm being slightly dramatic. Maybe my whole life isn't going to be harder... just the part where I want Macie to go to bed.

Awesome, huh?! Being a Mom is totally the best!

Oooh ya, It's HOT...

...you just don't know it yet.

Sad, but true, this is what I wore today; even in public. You officially have my permission to pretend like you don't know me.

The Man Cold

I dedicate this video to my brother, Tyson, and any other man out there that may suffer from the "man cold".

My hope for all women is that there will soon be an antidote found for this seemingly incurable illness.

*NOTE TO ALL WOMEN
Be cautious when diagnosing your husband with the "man cold". Please learn from my mistake and don't diagnose your husband with the "man cold", when in fact he has pneumonia. I still feel bad about that one.

A Change of Subject

Nate has brought to my attention that all I have been talking about lately is bodily functions. That is simply because for the past week and a half it feels like I've been eating, sleeping, breathing poop and barf. Except, not in the literal sense. That would be nasty... very nasty. (Obviously the eat, sleep, breath analogy doesn't work very well here.) So for those who have a weak stomach I must apologize. This just goes to show you why I have an extensive knowledge in fecal matter.

Moving on,

I know I said I was done posting pictures of Nate while he's sleeping and unsuspecting; and trust me, I've passed up many great opportunities. This one however, I couldn't resist. (If for some reason you've had the misfortune of not seeing those pictures, you can find them here & here)

There are several reasons why I must post this picture,

• Because it's not a post dealing with my kids bodily functions.
• Because someone's day might need cheering up.
• Because my husbands love for me is {hopefully} unconditional.
• Because this picture makes me want to spoon my husband (in a sweet and cuddly sort of way. Mind out of the gutter!).
• Because sleeping on the kitchen floor is apparently more comfortable then sleeping on the bed.
• Because this was the reason I couldn't do my dishes. (OK, not really, but it makes for a good excuse)
• Because we knew we would have trials when we came to this life; Nate just didn't know his trial would be his wife.
• Because my husband is not lazy. He just likes to sleep... a lot.

(In Nate's defense, this picture was taken the day after our long puke filled night with Macie & Kaleb. If I could have, I would be curled up asleep on the floor next to him)

Yet Another Reason Why It's Good to Have Girls...

...they pee sitting down.

This especially comes in handy when the "facial diarrhea" just turns into a bad case of the "quesadillas". I can say this because I have experienced first hand the explosive power of a little boy who needs to go potty and pees standing up; then in mid-pee discovers that he is about to have a massive "quesadilla" attack.

Trust me, the results are not pretty... not pretty at all.

Vomitrocious... Like Totally!

Fill in the blank
(Please choose a word from below & insert it where you find it's most appropriate)

I honestly think if I have to see any more ________ , I'm going to __________ .

• abdominal voorheaves
• anti-poop
• hurlage
• facial diarrhea
• barf
• toss my tacos
• blow doughnuts
• puke
• disgorge
• ralph

After laying Kaleb down to bed around 12:00 am, Nate and I walk into our room only to be hit with the overwhelming stench of _______. Poor little Macie was curled up in a little ball surrounded by her own ________. I felt so bad that she had been _________ all by herself, with no one to comfort her. Needless to say, Nate & I were up till almost 2:00 taking care of the sick and afflicted and cleaning up masses of ________.

It's Super Bowl Sunday...

And the only bowl I'm watching is the one Kaleb's puking in.

Kaleb said to me, "Mom, Abrie gave me her throw up!". So technically this is all Abrie's fault.

Note to neighbors:
Please don't visit my house. I will not answer the door due to the fact that my house now smells like vomit and dirty dishes.

Another note to neighbors:
If you choose to disregard the first note, please come prepared with a can of Lysol in one hand and a diet coke in the other... I think I'm in need of some caffeine.

6 Things (A Boring Thing #4)

I have a little ritual I do almost everyday.

I won't usually eat lunch until I can actually sit down and enjoy it. Let me tell you, it is REALLY hard to sit down and enjoy lunch when you have 3 small kids fighting over who gets to sit down in the heart chair, and bouts of yelling things like "Mom, I wanted my sandwich cut into 4 triangles, not 4 rectangles!", and "Mom, I don't like peanut butter any more. I only liked it for last week!", and "Mom, Macie keeps stealing my food!", and "Mom, Macie's making tooting sounds with her mouth!", and "Mom, Abrie's chewing her food again like a loud donkey!", and never ending choruses of ABC's sung at full throttle... really, I could go on and on... and on, but I won't (for now anyway).

After I'm done trying to maintain the chaos I call lunch time, I lay Macie down for her nap and search for a movie that will keep the other two kids entertained for as long as possible and then I BREATH.

Everyone now. Take a deep cleansing breath with me.

Breath in. Breath out.

Breath in. Breath out. (This is not to be confused with the song Machinehead by Bush)

In with the good, out with the bad.

You are one with body, mind, & soul. Feeling centered. Feeling free.

Ahhhh, much better!

When I finally have a chance to catch my breath and get a little peace and quite, I will then sit down and eat... kid free and uninterrupted. I usually don't answer the phone either while I'm eating. It's my time to sit and well, do nothing... It's great!

After I'm done eating lunch I will chill a little bit longer with my two best friends; Diet Coke & dark chocolate.

They have always been good to me. They have always been there when I needed them, except on the occasion that I forget to go to the store. Then I turn to my other friend Amy who has often times helped me out by supplying my addiction to caffeine with Diet Coke. There is nothing worse then needing a caffeine fix and not having any caffeine in the house.

Unfortunately, the peace and quite doesn't last long. My 15 minutes of Zen is quickly interrupted by more screaming; "Mom, Abrie's breath smells like poo!" and "Mom, Kaleb says he's going to shoot me!”. I quickly clean up my stuff and go back to my life of playing referee. Lunch time's done; short, sweet, but oh, so good!

Until next time,

Namaste