More joys of Motherhood...

Kaleb dropped my brand new bar of Clinique face wash in the toilet full of pee water...

I love being a mom, especially a mom who washes her face with a bar of pee soap.

What's life with out a little drama?

I think I have given myself enough time to calm down...I think. So, grab yourself a box of ding-dongs and a coke (possibly a tissue if you're the sensitive type) cause this is a looong one.

Before I continue with my story I must preface it with the fact that the day I flew home emotions were running high. It's always hard to leave home. Especially leaving behind a nice washer and dryer, and dishwasher...oh, and clean water. I mention clean water because yet again it feels like I'm living in a 3rd world country and my water is dark murky brown as I speak. I guess I should be thankful for that nasty water because it's the reason I don't have to do the dishes tonight. So besides all the conveniences of home, it's hard to leave behind family. It's hard to believe that my families lives actually go on with out me, but without me it can't be too much of an exciting life now can it.

Put that all aside and now there is the stress of flying home ALL by myself with 3 little kids. Talk about going on a diet. The surest way to lose weight is to fly alone with kids, the more kids you have the more weight you'll lose, I'm sure of it. The anxiety itself will cause you to lose your appetite for at least a good week and a half. I've actually gotten better. The first time I flew with just two kids I couldn't eat for two weeks I was so scared.

Then on my way to the airport I gave my Grandma a call just to tell her I love her and say goodbye only find her on the other line in pain and nearly in tears saying that she needs someone to run her to the hospital. So I'm holding back the tears having to leave her behind not being able to be with her.

So the thoughts of leaving home are weighing me down combined with the anxiety of being confined on an airplane with my 3 kids for 5 hours plus an hour layover and worrying about my Grandma. The only thing I had going for me was the fact that I had managed to shower earlier that morning. So regardless if a looked like a lady on the verge of a nervous breakdown at least I smelled good and had shaved legs.

Now on to my flight;

Someone must of been praying for me because the first part of my flight went extremely well. The kids were amazing! They were quiet and kept pretty entertained with all of my dollar store purchases (thank you dollar tree). The second part of the flight went even smoother than the first. Macie fell asleep on the floor, while Abrie fell asleep listening to my ipod and Kaleb watched a movie. I was developing a new found confidence in the flying with 3 kids by yourself thing.

We then landed in Chicago for an hour layover or as Macie calls it "Cago". After doing the necessary trips to the potty we had to stand in line for about 30-40 mins since southwest is ghetto and doesn't allow people with kids to pre-board any more...those lame-o's (how do you like that word usage? I thought it was a nice touch myself...Lame-o's. I'm definitely going to use that word more often). Needless to say the kids started getting restless being confined to the stroller. I've learned my lesson about letting Kaleb out of my sight for more than a minute...bad things happen, I mean, REALLY bad things. Finally they let us board and I managed to keep Kaleb close by. I chose the seats clear in the back for two reasons; bathrooms and less people to disturb (or so I thought).

The kids were not as good this flight, actually it's more like Macie and Kaleb were not as good. Abrie was an angel. Macie and Kaleb fought a little bit with each other, they would scream back and forth, and they would tease each other. This portion of the flight was filled with empty threats and bribery. All I can say, is that Kaleb is one smart boy and he knew whatever naughty thing he did he would still be safe from the wrath of me. After all, he was in the safety of the public eye.

Finally the pilot announces we were about to land. So the DVD player is off, the ipod is off, the trays are up, and the seat belts are on. I'm thinking we are almost done. Well, not quite yet. We ended up circling the airport for another 40 minutes and the kids were getting ancy. They weren't terrible, just typical kids doing typical kids things and wanting to get off the plane.

The time had finally come. I felt the plane starting to lower in altitude and with it my anxiety level also went down. We touched down and made it smoothly to our gate. I leaned back and breath a sigh of relief. I felt accomplished, we had made it back home with no problems or casualties.

No sooner did I finished that sigh of relief I noticed that this middle-aged man, that had been sitting in front of me, was staring at me. At this point we were all standing patiently waiting our turn to get off the airplane. Since this man was staring at me I gave him a quick friendly smile. He did not smile in return. In fact, my smile was met with a death stare (not sure exactly what a death stare is, but it sounds good). Then this man then opened is mouth and coldly replied, "Congratulations, you have the 3 MOST annoying kids I have EVER met!". His remark was calculated. Each word was said slow and meticulously, making sure not to mispronounce anything that he was saying so that I may, more clearly, get his point. I stood there in complete shock and disbelief. Did this man just actually say the I had the most annoying kids ever? (see what a meant when I said this was such and "Uh, uh,...no you di'in't..." type of situation....

That's enough drama for one night and trust me, there's more to go around.

I'm here...kind of

Well, I'm home. I made it in one piece (physically). Emotionally on the other hand...I'm a wreck. I'm picking pieces of me up every where I go.

Why, you ask, am I so upset? Well, I think I'm actually too upset to say right now. Also, if I were to write about it right now I would probably wake up in the morning to check my blog only to find that a mad woman has got a hold on it. So for the sake of trying to pretend that I am a calm, rational person I will hold off til tomorrow so that you will think I am still a somewhat sane person. Plus, I find that sleep has the amazing ability to make things seem all better...I just don't think sleeping 4 days strait would be feasible right now. So I guess I will have to settle for just one night of sleep, which will leave me still about 3/4 crazy... but hey, lets be optimistic here...at least I'll be 1/4 sane.

And while we are on the subject of sleep; I will be doing a sequel to "My husband the Narcoleptic". I'm sure you are all full of anxious anticipation. This one could possibly be funnier than the first one, although it will be pretty hard to beat the picture with Nate asleep and drool hanging out of his mouth shot in mid-air...that one's a classic.

Any way, don't be too worried why I'm upset. No one died or anything...at least I hope not. This just has to do with a comment that was made to me by an ignorant man about my children...

this was definitely a "Uh, uh...no you di'in't!" type of moment. Actually, this was well deserving of repeating "uh, uh..no you di'int!" twice (just for dramatic emphasis).

Home

I have passed the point of no return...that is at least the point of no return with a husband. Nate left on Tuesday back to Philly, which means I officially cannot change my mind about flying alone with the 3 kids. Thankfully I have plenty of time to build up the courage to get on the flight by myself.

So now Nate is back in Philly all by himself...I try to remind him that distance makes the heart grow fonder. I'm not sure if he's buying it, but for the time being that is the only selling point I have.

As for me, well I am thoroughly disappointed in myself only making it to Cafe' Rio twice since I've been home. I have managed to hit some other great Utah restaurants and bought plenty of grandma sycamore bread (that stuff is the best).

The kids are loving life right now getting spoiled with attention from their grandma's & grandpas, aunts & uncles, and cousins...it's great until we go home and they go through withdrawls...we go through it every time we come home. The kids get sooo much attention here that when we fly back home it takes about two good weeks of solid neglect to break em' of their spoiled habits. (the last part was a joke. I don't neglect my kids... at least not more than usual)

I wanted to post some pictures for my non-Utah friends who haven't had the chance to visit Utah, which is a shame, after all..."this is the place".

This is the view of the mountains from the free way....sooo beautiful!

This is the view from my front door...even more beautiful!

My mom has a major green thumb, a trait I'm sure I did not inherit.

My mom has the most beautiful flower gardens. People slow down when they drive by just to get a good look.

The kids taking a bath in grandma & grandpa's "swimming pool". And if you will notice Macie's finger is resting where it is most comfortable...up her nose

Me, joy riding illegally with the 3 kids through my neighborhood with no helmets.

Last but not least.... a working, clean, spider free washer & dryer (tear).

Best dumb blonde joke ever!

Being blonde myself I never get offended by blonde jokes, in fact I can appreciate a good one when I see it. I was online a while back and found this dumb blonde joke. I deemed it worthy to make the blog...It gave me a good laugh. I hope you enjoy it.

For the best dumb blonde joke ever
CLICK HERE

We made it!

You will be happy to know that I am alive and well. We {barely} managed to make it to Utah with no casualties. The flight went as good as can be expected with 3 kids stuck on an airplane for 5 looooong hours.

The kids were thoroughly entertained on the first flight...actually, I was too. One of the flight attendants broke out in a special flying rendition of Vanilla Ice's "ice, ice baby". The remainder of the 1 1/2 flight was followed by similar random acts of insanity by both flight attendants on our plane...apparently the altitude was getting to them.

The second flight did not go as smoothly. The kids were EXTREMELY restless. All attempts to entertain them were in unsuccessful. The 3 1/2 hours dragged on, and on....and on. Macie and Kaleb finally fell asleep the last 45 min.

Any way, we're here, we made it, and it's a good thing I'm not going to be doing that flight for another 3 weeks (it will take that long to build up the courage to do it again). Did I mention I will be doing the flight back with the 3 kids all by myself...talk about crazy.

In the words of John Denver...

All my bags are packed,
I'm ready to go...

The laundry is done, the house is somewhat clean, the bags are packed, and I'm getting in one last post... I would say I have been quite productive. I ran some last minute errands to aid me on my 5 hour and 20 min plane ride (actually it's longer than that if you count layovers). If all goes well we should arrive in Utah at about 8:30 p.m tonight (YAY!). Hopefully by the end of plane ride I will manage to keep my sanity, but it's doubtful....very doubtful. So what, you ask, do I bring on the plane with me to keep 3 children ages 5 under quiet and manageable?

Here is the list:

• candy
• candy
• more candy
• band aids (usually the kids only get band aids if they are hurt. So when they get a whole box all to themselves and get to open as many as they want whenever they want they are in heaven. Plus it takes up time with them trying to unwrap them by themselves)
• tons of toys from the dollar store (they open one up every hour or so)
• portable DVD player
• stickers
• magna doodles
• a heavy sedative
• tranquilizers (in case the sedative doesn't work)
• Valium (for me & Nate)

For those of you being left behind; stay strong...for the both of us. For those of you who I'm coming to see; I will be hitting up Cafe rio Monday @ 12:30...meet me there. Pork burrito, enchilada style, black beans, mild sauce, hold the pico, add diced tomatoes, here I come.

Wish me luck! Better yet, wish the people that have to sit next to us on the plane luck.

Will food for work

You're thinking that doesn't sound quite right...and you're right. Just go with it...

So I have started the preparations to go home. Actually, that is a lie. I am doing nothing of the sort. I usually save everything until the last minute...it's a curse.

I have loads and loads...and loads of dirty laundry to do and I lack the desire to do them. You know it's bad when you're getting to the point when the kids ask for clean socks and you walk over to the hamper, pull out an old crumpled pair, unroll them, give 'em a good sniff, and say, "here, wear these, you could get a good 2-3 more wears out of those ones". Then they say, "but Mom I also need a clean shirt" again, reach in the hamper, pull out a shirt shake it out a bit, "Here wear this" , "but mom it's dirty!". I respond with, " Just turn it inside out. It's as good as new".

Honestly, if you lived where I lived you wouldn't want to do laundry either. I have to (while balancing two laundry baskets in my hands) walk out my door, go down 3 flights of stairs, go outside, walk to the other stairwell, open another door, walk down another flight of stairs, balance laundry baskets on my hip while unlocking the laundry room door (not only are they child baring hips but laundry balancing hips as well. Good thing my hips are multi-functional). Finally, I make it to the dark, dank, scary, prime raping spot laundry room.

We have 3 coin operated wash machines and two coin operated dryers. Technically, they really can't be called wash machines or dryers since they don't actually wash or dry anything. In fact, the clothes are probably cleaner before I put them in the wash versus after I take them out. Usually I just pray that whoever used the washers before me didn't wash any fecal contaminated items in it and hope that the bleach does it's job. Another prime reason why I hate to do laundry here is that quite often the water is brown.

Ladies and gentle men, I give you exhibit A:

This would be another time that I pray.This time I pray that the water is brown from unsettled dirt instead the sewage backing up (both viable options). And again I hope that the bleach does its job.

Next we have exhibit B: Meet Paco...

...and his friend Fernando

( I'm not quite sure why the names are of hispanic origins. It was the only thing I could think of off the top of my head)

Yes, Paco and Fernando are dead now (may they rest in peace). I happened upon them almost two weeks ago.

I was doing my laundry as normal, opened up a wash machine to throw some clothes in and noticed a dead beetle at the bottom of the wash (that should have been enough to deter me from doing my laundry). Well since my kids had already worn each pair of socks 3-4 times I decided that the laundry must be done. So like a good faithful housewife and mother I reached into the wash machine to get the bug out. While slowly reaching down I felt a mass of spiderwebs wrapping around my hand. I quickly threw my hand back, wiped off the webs and looked inside for inspection. To my disgust I found Paco just hangin' out in the bottom of the wash machine and as if one spider wasn't enough, I then found his friend Fernando. I quickly closed the lid and pulled myself together (I am scared to death of spiders, especially ones that make their homes in my washing machines). So it's on to the next machine. I open it up look inside and sure enough there was ANOTHER spider. What are the odds of that happening? (actually pretty high considering where I live). So there you have it, spider infested washing machines.

These events (and also the fact that I just hate to do laundry) have caused a dramatic decrease in my desire to do laundry. So if you see my children and they're smelling a little funky have pitty on them. They have no clean clothes to wear.

So if any one, out of the kindness of their heart, wants to offer to do my laundry. I will, in return, make you those stinkin' good, better then lovin' brownies I've told you about. (Hence the "will food for work")

Church & School

Well, I spoke in Church today. I was hoping I could spend the remainder of my time here in hiding and avoid giving a talk, but sadly that was not the case. I think my talk went well. To my knowledge, all of the members of my church who heard my talk still believe the church is true, so that must be a good sign. If you are in any need of spiritual up-liftment please let me know and I can email you my talk.Or for a small fee I am willing to tell it to you over the phone or in person. Just make sure you keep a tissue handy, my talks tend to evoke those types of spiritual emotions.

On to other matters of business...

Kaleb and Abrie started school at this cute little Lutheran school down the street. (There is a whole other story about how that came to pass, but I will save it for another day). The kids absolutely love it. Actually, I probably love it more than the kids. Abrie said to me the other day, "Mom, we pray at school" I was aware of the fact that the kids would be praying at school and I welcomed it. I think it is great that my kids can go to school to learn their ABC's and 123's and still have christian based principles taught. So after she told my about praying my response was, "oh ya,...tell me about it" Abrie: "we fold our hands like this..." she proceeds to clasp her hands in front of her, "and we sing Oh, our Father, Oh, our Father..." to the tune of Where is Thumbkin, "...and Mom, we get to keep our eyes open and everything....Mom, I like praying like that!". Apparently I'll have to see what I can do about spicing up prayer time around our house.

Any way, so since I've already posted pictures of Abrie I decided that Kaleb needs his moment in the spotlight (as if he's not in the spotlight enough as it is). So here you have it, my grown up little boy and his first day of school.

When it's OK to say the "S" word...

Our car got broken into a couple days ago when Nate took the car to school (downtown Philly). They shattered the window and stole our car cell phone charger. Honestly, what were they thinking breaking into a dental students car, let alone a mini-van. First of all, you're not going to find much money (the life of living on loans) and... a minivan? The only thing you're bound to find in our car are stale, month old french fries and old dried out chicken nuggets (we keep Wendy's in business...can't go wrong with the dollar menu). If you ask me I would say our car is not a very prime target. We don't even have a CD player in it. Someone obviously needs a lesson on choosing your robbery targets better. I'm sure there's a class on it some where in down town Philly titled "car theft 101"...don't they have classes like that in the ghetto?

So, Nate called me from school very upset and yelling profanities. I must clarify that when I say Nate was yelling profanities I don't mean the usual "H" , "D", "S", "A" words. NO, for Nate his profanities were, "That STUPID, FREAKIN', IDOIT!" my response was, "wow, Nate you must be really upset to use language like that". To my knowledge Nate has never sworn in his life. I rarely swear myself, the only times I usually swear is when I want to bug Nate (which works like a charm) but even then I only say "D" & "H".

Well my friend Jeri sent me an email that made me laugh. It was titled "When it's OK to say the "S" word". The first picture is my favorite...makes me laugh everytime.

I would also like to add to the list of when it's OK to say the "S" word...

• when rear ending a car in the yielding lane
• when hitting a parked car
• when getting hit by a car while turning left
• when losing a child at the hospital and they are about to call a code pink
• when dropping your child
• when your child has multiple bouts of massive diarrhea on a long road trip (no pun intended)

There are more I could add to the list. This is just all I could think off the top of my head. Please feel free to add your "when it's OK to say the "S" word" to my list. I would like to know when else it's OK to say it.