A trip to the Doctor

I am tired, so I will make this brief.

Macie & Abrie had a well child appointment today. The doctor asked if I had any questions regarding my children. I said, "yes, I have two. First, Abrie has a wart (I know so un-girlie like) and Macie eats EVERYTHING". The doctor responds, "the wart is fine, it will go away". Me, "but the wart has been there for two years...you really think that it's going to go away?". Doctor, "yes". Ok, whatever. On to the next question (Macie's eating habits). Doctor, "it's completely normal for kids to put things in their mouth, it's just a phase.". Me, "Really, it's completely normal for a child to eat kitty litter and swallow 4, 3 inch toy bugs!?". Doctor, "yes, you want to hear a funny diaper story?" not really, but I nod politely just to act like I care. Then the doctor continues to tell me how her little Timmy pooped out blueberries and her husband almost ate one on accident. First of all, how in the heck does your husband almost eat a piece of poo. Second of all, I don't really care all that much. And third of all, can we get back to me and my problems.

So after I give her a smile and a courtesy laugh we continue onto Macie. She offers a hemoglobin test for my sake to show me that there was nothing to worry about. Then states sarcastically, "we don't usually worry until they're sucking on broken glass and thumbtacks". Me, "then you should probably start worrying. I pulled a thumbtack out of her mouth the other day". So they did the quick test and her iron came back low. I'm actually surprised it was low. With the amount of dirt she's been eating she should be off the charts.

So now I will be going back in to do some more blood work on my child with the eating disorder. I guess it could be worse. I heard on the radio today that they found a lady that had 15 inch in diameter hair ball in her stomach. Apparently, hair is not digestible either.

Oh, and as of today small diamonds, Polly pockets accessories, and heart shaped beads are non-digestible as well.

My camera decided to break...

...and I am bummed. Nate wants to buy a new camera but I keep insisting that if a shake the camera enough it might start working again. And if shaking it doesn't work I have some duct tape I could use. I'm not sure how I'd use it, but I would find a way. After all, isn't duct tape the cure all to everything?

So here are some of the last images my poor little camera caught before it decided to die on me.

First we have Kaleb. We were at the dinner table and he decided to tell us about a ghostly visitor he had in his room. After he told the story I ran to get my camera and had him tell it again. And just so you know the first version of the story was much better. He decided to add some extra details in this one. Oh, and this is not the first time he's said there's been a ghost in his bedroom (theme from Twilight Zone plays) doo-doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo-doo... -I see dead people-


This video is where my camera decided to stop working and it's really a shame. Abrie had some awesome dance moves going on. And if you notice in the background Nate's yelling, "Macie, what's in your mouth? Ginnie what did Macie put in her mouth?". By the time I got to her she had swallowed whatever it was...that's my girl!

My Husband the Narcoleptic part 2

As promised, the highly anticipated incriminating pictures of my poor, tired, unsuspecting husband. An equally funny sequel to "MY HUSBAND THE NARCOLEPTIC PART 1". Try as he may, this boy just cannot stay awake. Now I'm not insinuating that my dear, sweet husband is lazy by any means. He just is, well...conscious impaired. Or perhaps he has become ever so skilled at faking asleep just to get out of me asking him to do things (he's smart like that). Whatever it may be I still love him regardless. He is a very hard worker and he studies hard. It can't be easy living the eternal life of a student. If you think of it this way, he has been going to school for almost 25 years straight. Soon enough it will be coming to an end, but until then I will continue to entertain you at the expense of my husband.

Nate, falling asleep doing dental work with sharp tool in hand (hope he doesn't startle easy). No worries, I highly doubt this would happen on an actual patient... at least I hope not.

Nate, falling asleep on the floor because that's the most comfortable place to sleep (not really, it's terrible and it wreaks of old nasty apartment, but he doesn't seem to mind it. And don't mind the mess. The maid wasn't able to come that day)

Nate, falling asleep after a long day at church. It's hard being so spiritual, it takes a lot out of a man (or woman). Now that I think of it, it's surprising that I don't get as tired that often.

Nate, falling asleep spooning the stair...hmmm?

Again, Nate falling asleep doing dental work. Actually, this is the only picture where he's warranted to be sleeping. It was, after all, 2:00 in the morning (I was out with some of the girls). His heart was in the right place trying to stay up for me, but the poor boy didn't stand a chance.

I decided to post a couple of other non-Nate related pictures so my husband wouldn't feel totally singled out.

Kaleb, falling asleep while eating chocolate. I panicked at first glance thinking something was terribly wrong with him, but nope, just melted dark chocolate spewing out of his mouth (I know it looks a lot worse).

And last, but most definitely not least;

I like to call this picture sleeping beauty. Look at the calmness and serenity in my face. All nestled in and dreaming peacefully. This picture was taken almost 7 years ago when Nate and I first got married (you can tell by the bangs. That was definitely not a good bang day). I'm not sure what possessed Nate to take this picture. Perhaps it was the fact that I looked like an angel sleeping there with my *Blankie tucked around my head like a halo.

This, my friends, is the first and last picture Nate has ever got of me asleep. That doesn't mean that I don't nap, that just means that Nate's far more considerate than I am, but we already knew that.

*Laugh if you must, but truth be told I had a blankie that I slept with every night wrapped around my head in that very same position. I finally got rid of it about a year after we were married ((sigh)).

My Boy Kaleb

I was sitting on the couch when Kaleb came up up to me, climbed on the seat next to me, and wiggled in for a little snuggle. Although he can be very mischievous and naughty, he can also be very loving and sweet. I decided to take advantage of his loves and I snuggled him right back. Then he looks up and me and says ever so sweetly (and with a smirk),

"Mom,...my fingers in my bum!"

(giggle, giggle)

Oh, how I love Kaleb! One thing is for sure, there's never a dull moment when he's around.

Let's play a game...

Debuting for the first {and hopefully last} time on my blog is (say it with enthusiasm)...

WILL. IT. DIGEST!

If any of you took a psychology class in either high school or college, you might remember learning about Freud's stages of development (exciting I know, trust me it's about to get better). Well the first stage in development is the oral stage. What goes in the hand usually goes straight in the mouth. Well, in Macie's case, what goes in the hand, goes in the mouth, goes in the stomach, and out into the diaper. To quote Forrest Gump but with a twist -changing Macies diapers is like a box of chocolates....you never know what your going to get.

So thanks to Macie & her amazing digestive system, the game WILL.IT.DIGEST! was born. Here's a list of normal, non-edible, everyday items that I've found in her diapers.

Now on with WILL.IT. DIGEST!

Crayons- not digestible

Stickers- partially digestible

Foam- not digestible

Paper- almost digestible

More crayons- still not digestible

Wrappers- digestible

Books- digestible (kind of)

Sand- definitely not digestible

Dirt- not digestible

Small rocks- not digestible

Chalk- almost digestible

Flip-flops- not digestible

Bouncy balls- not digestible

Kitty-litter- not digestible, but very hard to see

Tin foil- definitely not digestible

A handful of craft beads- 100% non-digestible

And last, but definitely not least.

We have not 1, not 2, not even 3, but 4 of these jell type cockroach sling shots! Check out the size of the suckers!

These are, without a doubt, 110% non-digestible in any way or form. I found 4 of these little, actually, not quite so little buggers in her diaper...WHOLE! I about died seeing what had just come out of my little child. Then my thoughts went from amazement to -how the heck did she not choke on these bugs. Obviously they were quite easy to swallow seeing as she ate 4 of them. Oh, my child! I'm surprised she's still alive or doesn't have some rare disease with the things she has eaten. And it just keep escalating. She keeps moving up to bigger and better things to swallow.

So here's a couple of other things she has tried to eat, but failed to do so.

She's tried many times to eat her crib, but her attempts were foiled when I put masking tape around the edges. Odds are she'll find a way to eat the tape too.

Then we have the batteries from my remote. It is probably one of her favorite things to chew on. She's pretty naughty about it too. She will grab the remote when I'm not looking, run out of site and bang the back of the remote so the batteries fall out and then shove them in her mouth...she's a sneaky little poo.

Batteries I'm sure would not be digestible and they probably wouldn't come out as easy as say, 4 toy bugs.
So before you run off and start diagnosing my child, just know that even though I find this quite amusing, I'm actually quite worried and I will be following up with my pediatrician. And I do try to watch her as close as I can, but she's a fast little sucker.

It's kind of funny, I've always said that Macie's my best eater, she'll eat just about anything. Ha, that couldn't be more true.

And by the way, the next stage of Freud's development is the anal stage (not to be gross, this is merely for educational purposes only. I just like to keep my readers informed). I'm hoping that we can just skip over the anal stage, since what goes in must come out. I isn't that like killing two birds with one stone?

Thanks for playing my little game of WILL.IT.DIGEST! I hope you enjoyed it half as much as I did.

M.I.A (Missing In Action, for all you acronym illiterate people out there)

I've been neglecting my blog, but for a good reason. I've been busy. No, not spending more time with my family...let's not get too crazy here. I've been spening lots of time

HERE

(my photog-blog)

Here's a one of my favorite pictures from my most recent shoot. The classic child in focus with parents off in the distance adoring their child...precious, I know.

Maybe one of these days I'll get my own family pictures done.

I've lost my voice...

...the kids are going crazy, Kaleb's being naughty. and I can't yell. They are definitely using this no voice thing to their advantage. This is how the conversations are going in our house today;

Picture this -Kaleb moving the coffee table a good 6 feet away from the couch, then attempts to fly like "super naked man" (I've tried to explain the superman is always fully clothed but he begs to differ). I enter the room and with a feeble attempt yell, "Kaleb stop that right now" instead of yell it was more of an inaudible whisper. "What mom? I can't hear you !" Kaleb taunts as he knows I can't yell and he finds it quite entertaining (payback I'm sure, for making him share his "bone in narrow"). I make another attempt to speak, "do you want a spanking?" (sorry to all the anti-spanker's out there, but I do spank Kaleb every once in a while. You can officially take me off the list of perfect parents if you haven't already done so). Kaleb continued his super hero flying skills, again using this prime opportunity of having a mom with no voice to his advantage. I raise my hand and take a step towards him as to show I mean business. He quickly flies off the couch standing a safe distance away, and shakes his little bum in my face doing the old, "Na, na, na, na,na...you can't get me!". Well, my voice might not be working, but my legs sure do.

After our little dispute we reached an agreement, we was going to listen and be good and I was going to be happy. I return to the kitchen to finish cleaning when again I hear the table being moved and little fit stomping upon it. I turn the corner only to find Macie on the table with Kaleb on the side coaching her on how to get the perfect air. I was able to intervene before Macie took flight.

Honestly, it's hard enough to mother imaginative, energetic, athletic, inventive, crazy kids. But to do it with out a voice...that's a whole other challenge.

I must add though, losing my voice has not been an entirely miserable experience. Abrie this morning said, "Mom don't worry, I'll get my own breakfast this morning...you need to rest". I'm thinking I should milk this for all it worth.

Catching up...

I took these pictures about a month and a half ago. They make me laugh so I just had to share.

It was a beautiful day so I was outside with the kids enjoying the nice weather. Kaleb announced that he had to go potty so I told him to hurry and run up stairs to use the bathroom. A couple minutes pass and he's still not out. Another couple minutes pass, and again still no sign of Kaleb. So I get up and go in search of my mischievous little boy.

As I walked up the stairs I notice that my downstairs neighbors door was wide open. I peeked my head in and said a quick hello to see if anyone was there -no answer. Someone was up to no good and I was pretty sure that someone was Kaleb.

I close the neighbors door and quickly go upstairs. I was on a mission, in search for Kaleb to see what no good deed he was up to. I called out his name and there was no answer. I looked in all the rooms and couldn't find him. Suddenly I could hear a loud chewing sound coming from underneath my coffee table. I looked under the table only to find this naughty little boy and a stack of sucked on lemon heads. Kaleb had snuck inside my neighbors house and stole their box of candies and was eating them as fast as he could trying to get rid of the evidence. I quickly sat that boy on a chair and gave the quick lecture on committing minor misdemeanors. He sat there for a second in silence and then said to me with a groan, "Mom, I don't feel good. I fink I'm gonna frow up...I ate too much candy". My response was, "Good! that's what happens when you steal candy".

I'm afraid this boy is going to have a long juvi record before the age 6.

Next we have;

A boy and his toy...the bond between Kaleb and is "bone in narrow" is an inseparable one. Kaleb, suddenly approached by a neighbor girl asking him to share, is defiant. He's not going to be giving up his precious "bone in narrow" any time soon. The fight begins...
Kaleb starts pacing -the internal debate continues. To share or not to share, that is the question.
Again, the neighbor girl more persistent and starting to chase Kaleb- he's not amused. There might be a melt down.
Close call. Kaleb was able to grab hold of his emotions, but still emotions are running high. Kaleb, getting more irritated by the second of the persistence of this little girl, starts to retaliate. (Actually, I can't blame him. She is kind of annoying, but how could I pass up this valuable opportunity to share...even with people you can't stand. And I have to admit it was kind of funny & very entertaining) Finally I intervene. Kaleb had no other option to share or his precious "bone in narrow" will be doomed to the top of the fridge forever. My threats held strong and Kaleb starts to cave... After a long standoff (and some more threats) Kaleb gives up. The battle is lost, his efforts rendered useless. He grudgingly hands over his prized possession feeling the sting of defeat. Kaleb walks off the battle front defeated -"bone in narrow" lost, but dignity intact. (and I'm sure plotting his next attack in retaliation)As he walks away he flashes a "rock on" sign. Or perhaps it's the superman sign and he's just waiting for me to leave so he can unleash his superhero powers on this poor unsuspecting girl.

Now I'm off to read a book on how to raise a strong willed child. (I need all the help I can get)

Black Sheep - not just another scary movie

Nate and I saw a trailer for this movie the other night. I thought it was too funny not to share.

You thought you were safe on the farm? Think again. I would love to meet the creative geniuses that came up with this plot. It must have taken them countless days of getting high and drunk to come up with this winner of a movie. Talk about violence of the lambs. Counting sheep at night will never be the same.

Trick-or-Treat!

I must confess that I am not a huge fan of Halloween and my poor kids have to suffer the consequences of that. My only Halloween decoration is one lone ceramic pumpkin set in the middle of my kitchen table. I keep telling myself that I will like Halloween much better when I have a house, but then again I tell myself that almost every thing will be better when I have a house. Sadly I'm sure this is not the case but please don't burst my little bubble. I have 8 more months of telling myself that little lie to keep me going until Nate graduates.

I managed to throw some costumes together (thanks to Grandma J. & Jamie for helping with the girls little Indian burlap dresses). Pretty much all you see here is ghetto at it's finest, I spared no expense for my kids costumes this year.

First we have Abrie (Pocahontas) sporting a stylin potato sack with a little Indian-ish looking ribbon tied around her waist to give it that extra little something with a matching headband and two bright feathers stapled on (you didn't know the stapler was a multi-functional tool did you). And check out those locks. That is a custom made yarn wig made by yours truly, not only am I great with a stapler but I'm very domestic as well...Nate's one lucky man. And last, it's all about accessories with her blue diamond Pocahontas necklace, which in fact looks nothing like the one the Pocahontas had on in the movie but don't tell Abrie that.

Next we have Kaleb dressed up as a cowboy/policeman/mountain boy. He is wearing a Toby Keith cowboy hat from Walmart (I'm all about the names brands...it's a hot item among the white trash community). Again, we have a little vest made out of a potato sack...the possibilities of what you can make with a potato sack are endless. Then I just tied a red bandanna around his neck to add some flare and then finished it up with a dollar store assault weapon. We made a deal, he could carry around the gun as long as he kept the rest of the outfit on...let's just say it was a win, win situation.

Here is Kaleb in character... the ultimate cowboy/policeman/mountain boy!

(I'm not quite sure what this face is)

Here are all the kids. Abrie's Pocahontas, Macie's sad attempt at a Native American (the politically correct term as my Indian neighbor from India pointed out), and Kaleb still in character as his cowboy/policeman/mountain boy.

I decided this year to not completely be a bum so I dressed up as well. You can take your pick of a cowgirl, Carrie Underwood, the bad Sandie from Grease, or a Utahan. All of which, were stellar ideas from other people. The Utah one is my favorite. Check out the height on that hair, I mean seriously, what Utahan wouldn't die for that kind of volume.

Last we have Nate my hill billy, redneck husband and his custom made jacked up teeth...all I can say is he looked nasty in a hot cowboy with crooked teeth kind of way.

Here's a close-up so you can get the full effect of the nasty-ness of his teeth...So ugly!

The whole fam

Check out those jeans on Nate. Talk about HOT! If you're thinking they look kind of feminine that's because they're MINE. It's kind of sad when your husband looks better in your jeans than you do.

Just thought I would finish this post off by a close up of my awesome hair-do. I'm not sure what that face is, but check out that amazing muscle control on my upper lip...now that's talent. My hair had so much volume that the next day (even after sleeping on it) when I went to pull it up it automatically assumed the big hair position by sticking up a good 3-4 inches above my head.

I hope everyone else had a happy Halloween!