A Little Bit-O-Talent

Last week our church had a talent show just for the kids. I let the kids come up with their own idea of what to do. Abrie decided that she needed to show off her mad skills at telling jokes.

(Now for some inappropriate humor that Nate would disapprove of )

If you are easily offended by small children swearing (and you should be) and if you're offended by their parents who thinks it's funny (and you should be) then please... do not read on.

One of Abrie's jokes she tells goes a little something like this;
Q: How many sheep does it take to knit a sweater?
A: Don't be silly- sheep can't knit.

Well one day, while doing a quick run through of all of Abrie's jokes, we came to this one. Lets just say she got the words a little mixed up.
Q: How many sheep does it take to knit a sweater?
Abrie's response: Don't be silly- sheep can't sh%#!

I tried... really hard... not to laugh, because I don't find things that are vulgar and crude to be funny in the slightest (OK... maybe just a little bit). Abrie on the other hand was quite thrilled with my response seeing as I was laughing uncontrollably and says enthusiastically, "Mom, we have got to do that one. That's a really funny one!". My response, "Yep honey, that's a good one. We just need to make sure that you say knit". We still decided to use this joke, but if you notice when we get to this one you'll see a little extra coaching on my part and then a slight sigh of relief that she got it right.

And while we're on the subject of farm animals (because sheep live on a farm), I realize that I chew my gum like a cow (or so I've been told). I can't help it... I really like gum... a lot. Hopefully that won't distract too much from Abrie's jokes.



Next we have Kaleb and his freestyle gymnastics. His skills are out of this world. With his "cartwheels" that are really somersaults and a sweet trick where he lays on his back with his knees bent behind him (he likes to call it his "kneel stand"). It's almost hard to believe that there is that much talent inside one little boy. And once this little boy was out on the stage he was all business.... Everybody dance now...

New Header!

Doesn't it make you feel HAPPY?! I had some time to kill while waiting for Nate. He went out into the wilderness of Philly with his friend Daegan "bush whacking" with the new machete he brought home from Haiti. Not only are they great at cutting down shrubbery and unwanted bushes, but they double as protection as well. Such a great investment! (After all, you never know when a machete might come in handy.)

HOME!

Nate is back. I guess he decided that he can't live without my sweet lovin' (well, that and the fact that it was time for him to come home). He had an awesome week of pulling teeth and cockroaches.

I'll post some more pictures of his trip and update later.

Momentous Occasion

Macie's hair has finally reached pig tail potential!

I think I might shed a tear of joy...

¿Tienes Leche?

Because I sure don't. And at this moment there is nothing I want more than a bowl full of cereal (and a maid or a new car... actually, a million dollars wouldn't be half bad either). If my mom were here she would tell me to get a can of evaporated milk, mix it with some water and voilà... skim milk. Fortunately, I'm not quite that desperate... at least not yet. Tomorrow morning might be a different story though.

Nate, where are you in my time of need?...

Translation: (For those of you who didn't take Spanish in high school or either cheated your way through it.)
¿Tienes Leche? = Got milk? Honestly, it's not as funny if I have to explain it to you.

Getting Sentimental

I remember it vividly, as if it happened 7 years and 2 days ago. Nervous, excited, and wanting to throw up all at the same time. This man that sat across from me was the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, this man was going to be mine forever... and ever (and that's a long time). Did he know what he was getting himself into when he looked me in the eyes and promised to be with me for time and all eternity? I don't think so, or else he maybe would have reconsidered. Me, a very less than perfect individual; a person who is sarcastic and loud and finds joy in playful teasing; someone who finds the most inopportune times to be crude and vulgar. This is who Nate was getting married to. How could a man so seemingly perfect marry someone like me?

It must have been divine intervention (or amazingly good luck), when Nate stood out on my grandmas small apartment porch painting it over and over trying to get the nerve to talk to "this girl" inside who had already placed her sight on this eye candy working hard in the sun (I've always had a thing for painters... not really). Finally, after painting the same spot over and over... and over, he got the nerve to talk to me. I was all ready for him, sitting strategically on my grandmas couch making sure I got noticed- was I showing enough leg or maybe I needed to show just a little bit more. Now was the time to put my mad flirting skills to use. Nate had taken the bate, "So, you visiting your grandma today?". Classic opening line, pointing out the obvious. All I have to say is, "you had me at visiting your grandma today?".

The rest, my friends, is history. I knew from that moment on that this was the man that I needed to father my 13 children. This was the man that would be able to take me, with all of my many imperfections, and love me for who I am; the good, the bad...

and the oh, so ugly.

It took Nate 3 months to propose to me (I was ready to propose the day we met). This was our stellar, hot engagement picture. What possessed me to choose this picture to send out to all our friends and family? I wish I knew the answer to that. "But Ginnie you're not even smiling. Aren't you supposed to be happy that you're getting married?". Oh no, all the professional models will tell you these days that smiling is out. It's more of the slightly constipated look that's in. Nate on the other hand is WORK.EN.IT (snap, snap, snap)! You might recognize this look from his earlier modeling days. This is the Oh ya, you know you want it look.

Hey, it could have been worse. I could have sent this picture out.

I'm not sure what thoughts are going through my head... maybe you could tell me. In my defense, I am blind without my contacts or glasses and I took them off for this picture to reach maximum hotness. I was so blind I couldn't tell how not sexy I looked. I was trying to go for the smoldering look. It didn't go over well.

So it's been seven years and they haven't been all bliss and roses (life's not always like that... at least not my life). But here are some things I've learned during our seven years of marriage;

• The longer we're married the more I fall in love with him
• Ever since we met for the first time we have not gone one day without talking to each other.
• I can't sleep when he's not next to me.
• Every night Nate falls asleep with his hand on my side and our feet touching... love it!
• I keep Nate from being translated and he keeps me from going straight to hell.
• We are exact opposites, which is perfect because we balance each other out.
• He is definitely my better half. But if he’s my better half what does that make me?... Don’t answer that.
• I knew from the first moment I saw him that he would be the man I would spend the rest of my life with. I scored. Nate on the other hand had no idea what he was getting himself into. Poor guy... he never had a chance.
• I look at him everyday and I think of what a beautiful man he is. And yes, I mean beautiful in the most masculine way. Grrrrrrrrr….
• He secretly likes it when I slap his butt, even though he tells me to knock it off (come on honey… I know you like it)
• I still get butterflies in my stomach when I think of him. Double grrrrrrr….

Nate says it best, "When we hug it's like fitting two pieces of a puzzle together. We fit perfectly".

Seven Years and Counting

Well I can't believe it, but Nate and I have been married Seven years today! And what am I doing to celebrate? A whole lotta' nothing. It's hard to celebrate your anniversary when your husband has left you. I knew it was only a matter of time before Nate came to his senses and walked out the door.

Nate left me early Sunday morning quick and with out warning. He didn't even have time to hug me and say good bye...(dramatic pause).... Now he is sitting in a foreign country, soaking up the rays and enjoying his view of the palm trees and ocean... oh, and pulling out lots of teeth.

OK, so maybe Nate didn't leave me for good. And ya, he isn't just sitting in the sun and boogie boarding all day long (at least he better not be). He is apart of a group called the Haiti Health Foundation where they go in to small villages, set up shop, and just pull teeth for people that have no access to dental care.

This scene from the Incredibles keeps running through my head. It's where Frozone gets all excited to fight the robot causing mass destruction and he's desperately searching for his super suit,

Lucius: Honey?
Honey: What?
Lucius : Where's my super suit?
Honey: What?
Lucius: Where - is - my - super - suit?
Honey: I, uh, put it away. [helicopter explodes outside]
Lucius: *Where*?
Honey: *Why* do you *need* to know?
Lucius: I need it! [Lucius rummages through another room in his condo ]
Honey: Uh-uh! Don't you think about running off doing no derrin'-do. We've been planning this dinner for two months!
Lucius: The public is in danger!
Honey: My evening's in danger!
Lucius: You tell me where my suit is, woman! We are talking about the greater good!
Honey: 'Greater good?' I am your wife! I'm the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!
(Please place an emphasis on that last phrase)

OK, so maybe I can let Nate off this time because he really is doing some thing for the greater good and I couldn't be happier for him... really.

So what have I done to celebrate my anniversary while Nate's day has been full of injections, cutting, and pulling? (Sorry to all you dental phobe's out there). Well my day has actually been pretty decent. I mean a day without any expectations can only get better, right? I managed to go to the gym, wash the dishes, mop the floor (which is really a gift to my husband, because now he can sleep on a clean, crusty free kitchen floor... which makes me happy)

Later in the evening some friends stopped by and brought me the mother of all Carmel apples...

...I plan on eating it by myself and all in one sitting... Life is good (especially when you have chocolate to make it better)!

Moral of the story:
Keep your expectations low. That way you will never be disappointed.

Now those are words to live by.

The Birthday Rundown

My birthday has come and gone and I regret to inform you that there was no giant cake with anyone to jump out of it... maybe next year.

Here's a quick rundown of my birthday,

• 6:00 am- Kids run into my room to wake me up, "Mom, it's your birthday! Hurry and wake up Mom!". I think my kids have my birthday slightly confused with Christmas.
• 6:15 am- Nate gets up with the kids. I make a sorry attempt to sleep in.
• 7:30 am- I get my lazy birthday body out of bed and get ready to go to Shady Maple, which can also be referred to as heaven on earth. All things that are good and pure full of high caloric intake and deep fried goodness can be found there. The other reason why we went to Shady Maple was because you get to eat for FREE on your birthday. And as we've discussed before, the cheap frugal part of me is just screaming with excitement. FREE and BIRTHDAY are two words that belong together.
• 8:30 am- I realize that I didn't bring along my ID as proof that it's my birthday. My birthday excitement is crushed.
• 9:00-10:30 am- Stuff myself to the point of almost wanting to vomit. I'm thinking that bulimia doesn't sound half bad right now.

• 11:30-6:00 pm- Nate and I go back and forth, "What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? Well, it's your birthday, you should decide what you want to do. Well, it is my birthday and I don't want to have to decided what to do." This continued for the majority of the day.
• 6:30 pm- I decide to make dinner while Nate folded the clothes (happy birthday to me). We put the kids in bed and sit around again..."What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? Well, it's your birthday, you should decide what you want to do. Well, it is my birthday and I don't want to have to decided what to do." We are a hopeless cause.
• 7:30-9:30 pm- Nate and I watch the movie Invasion (I'm a sucker for scary movies).
• 9:30 pm- Again..."What do you want to do? I don't know. What do you want to do? Well, it's your birthday, you should decide what you want to do. Well, it is my birthday and I don't want to have to decided what to do.... Well, I think I'm just going to go to bed. Sounds good to me."
  

Lets just say my birthday left much to be desired. But since I'm such a firm believer in *extended birthdays* my birthday wasn't a total loss.

On day number 2 of my birthday I had a girls night out complete with dessert crepes and a hot tub. It was a blast!

Amy & Val, crepe makers extraordinaire

Trust me, it tastes better than it looks. Blowing out the candle on my birthday crepe. Then things got crazy! (As crazy as things could get with 18 women and a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling apple cider)

Here is my failed attempt at trying to recreate my New Years Eve face. In case you've forgotten (and I don't know how you could have) I posted it below.

( When I was telling Nate that I looked partially retarded he said to me, "Partially? That's a whole lot more than partially retarded honey." I think he's secretly trying to tell me I look HOT!)

For Day number 3 of my birthday Nate and I went out to dinner with some friends to this awesome Thai restaurant. Again, I stuff myself well past the point of comfort. Instead of bulimia, this time I'm thinking I could learn a thing or two from anorexics.

That pretty much sums it up. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I was definitely feelin' the love!

(*Extended Birthday*: A celebration of the day of one's birth that extends 3-7 days before or after the actual birthday. So technically it's still my birthday)

We Gon' Party Like It's Your Birthday

It's time to get your gangsta' on with a little beyonce' and 50 cent or as I like to say it, fiddy cent. Because a birthday's not birthday without a little "ghetto booty" music to make you "drop it like it's hot" (I will stop now because I'm sure I'm embarrassing my husband and my 17 year old niece who likes to remind me of how "un-cool" I am... I'm just living in denial hoping that's not the case).

Yes it is true, 20 some odd years ago I was born, and brought much joy and laughter into to the hearts of my family... or at least that's how I like to tell it.

I'm sure there will be an update on all of my birthday celebrations (or lack there of). But until then, sit back, turn up the music, find your inner ghetto and let it out (I'm sure it's inside you some where... you'll just have to dig deep.) .

It's Not Easy Being a Woman

(This post is dedicated to my ever thinning eyebrows)

Sure. Men need to worry about balding...

...but do they need to worry about thinning eyebrows?

I don't think so... I don't think so.