Thunder thighs with a side of cellulite, please!

My brother in law, Dustin, introduced me to the books Eat This, Not That! The books size up the fatty food competition. The only down fall I've found is that it kind of takes the fun out of eating. I don't know if I'll be able to eat another twix again.

Here's some snip-its from the book that made me want to vomit juuuust a little bit.



Canned food can contain up to...

Pineapple..... 20% moldy fruit
Canned tomatoes..... 5 fly eggs or 2 maggots per 500 grams
Frozen broccoli..... 60 mites per 100 grams
Ground cinnamon..... 400 insect fragments and 11 rodent hairs per 50 grams
Peanut butter..... 30 insect fragments or 1 rodent hair per 50 grams
Popcorn..... 1 rodent pellet in one sample or 2 rodent hairs per pound



Cinnabon
Classic cinnamon roll
813 calories / 49 g sugar / 32 g fat (5 g trans fat) /117 carbs
You're better off to eat a regular whopper at BK with 150 fewer calories.


Cold Stone Ice cream
Dark chocolate in a dipped waffle cone
650 calories / 35 g fat (22 saturated) / 60 g sugar
Fat equivalent: 22 strips of bacon, "Mmmm.... bacon"
You’d have to run the length of a football field 109 times to burn off the 1,340 calories in the Gotta-have-it size chocolate devotion.



Worst snack:
Hostess chocolate pudding pie
520 calories/ 45 g sugars / 24 g fat (14 saturated)
Fat equivalent: 2 McDonald's quarter pounders




Worst drink:
Arizona Kiwi Strawberry
353 calories / 82 g sugars
Sugar equivalent: 4 fudgsicle bars

Ummm, no thanks. I'd rather eat my calories.



Worst candy:
Twix
280 calories /27 g sugars 14 g fat (11 saturated)
Fat equivalent: 11 strips of bacon
Twix contains more than half the USDA’s daily consumption recommendation for saturated fat.

Tell me, will you be able to eat another Twix again guilt free?



Worst food in America:
Outback steakhouse Aussie cheese fries with ranch dressing
2,900 calories / 182 g fat / 240 g carbs
Even if you split these fries with three friends you’ll have downed a dinner worth of calories before your dinner arrives.

And suddenly I'm not so hungry any more.

Question...

Does it mean I've failed as a Mom if my kids think 'home made' cookies come in a refrigerated box that says TOLL HOUSE?

Today (which was actually yesterday)

I cleaned Abrie's room. When she saw her room you would have thought by the look on her face that I had just bought her a pony. She ran up to me, hugged me, and then said excitedly, "Thanks Mom, I'm going to write this in my journal!". As she ran off I yelled to her, "Could you also write that I cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom? I just want to make sure that it's documented somewhere that I actually do clean... sometimes."

Today (which was actually yesterday)

while I was cleaning Abrie's room, Macie ran over to the neighbors house and asked them if the could go poop in their bathroom. They said yes. I'm just grateful she decided to go in the toilet as opposed to the driveway.

Today (which is actually today)

is Nate's birthday. I plan on kidnapping him for the evening (or is it adultnapping?) I also plan on sexually harassing him via text one last time (actually, it probably won't be the last time).

And just for your information, I've been informed that the correct verbage for dirty little texts are called 'sexting'. You can thank Amy for this tid bit of information.

Today's To-do's:

1. Laugh at my own jokes.
2. Practice my British accent with the telemarketers.
3. Learn to play Stairway to Heaven with the elastics on my braces... I've always wanted to play the guitar. Close enough.
4. Attack my kids with kisses.
5. Sexually harass my husband via text.
   
   
   

My Mothers Day

Sleeping in late.
Breakfast in bed.
Skittle filled pancakes.
Hand made cards with scribbled 'I love you's'.
Lots of hugs & lots of kisses.
Dinner at Grandma & Grandpa J's.
Ice cream sundays at Grandma & Grandpa G's.
An intense game of extreme frisbee.
Bed time & snuggles.
And a bunch more hugs & kisses from my three biggest fans.

* * * * * * * * * *

To the children who I simply adore,

I love you... every little bit & piece of you!

(in my best Austen Powers voice)
Mini-me's you complete me!

Mother of the Year Award

My friend Amy just informed me that I have been announced the 2009 Mother of the Year. It is with great joy and humility that I accept this prestigious and highly acclaimed award. I'm still in shock that I won. I thought for sure Octo-Mom had this one in the bag.

First of all, I would like to say to the man on the airplane that told me I had the three most annoying kids he has ever seen... Kiss my awesome Mother of the year, what! Yep, I'm still bitter.

Second, I would like to thank the social services for not taking away my children and making it possible for me to receive this award. Better yet, thanks to my friends, family, and blog readers for not turning me in.

I would also like to thank my three children that I birthed, love and call my own. I also need to thank Nate who shared a part in the birthing process -the more exciting, fun part.

It is an honor to receive this award that offers so much validation. It almost makes the cleaning poop off of the front porch, bed, walls, floors, and toilet worth it.

Check it out. I've made headlines. CLICK ME!

Sorry to all the other Mom's who didn't win. You're all winners to me.

PS- Yes, I did post a braces picture. Be kind.

Ham, Cheese & Mustard

Not for lunch,

but for breakfast.

Because some mornings it's just not worth the fight.

Photo Shoot Giveaway

Hey, guess what?
I'm giving away a free photo shoot over on Marta's blog.
So go on over and check out the details and maybe, if you're lucky, I'll show up showered to your photo shoot if you win. ;)

And don't mind the soft glow in the picture below; it's just my aura. The force is strong with me...

Just go over to Marta's blog and enter her fun giveaway... now.

This is Us

Sometimes I wonder where the kids inherited their cute gene.

This is Nate.
Sometimes he likes to smile like he's constipated.
And sometimes he thinks he's funny.

This is me.
Sometimes I think Nate's constipated smile is funny.
But only sometimes.

This is Abrie.
Sometimes she'll actually smile for the camera.
And sometimes (almost all the time) that smile is associated with a bribe.


This is Kaleb.
Sometimes he thinks he's part Ninja & part Super Hero.
And sometimes I think he's right.


This is Macie.
Sometimes I think bipolar and terrible two's three's can be interchangeable.
I say that, of course, in the most loving way a mother possibly can.

These are my kids.
Sometimes they're a little crazy.
And sometimes they're a little messy.
And sometimes they pull some sweet WWF moves.
And sometimes their tiny little voices reach ear piercing decibels.
And sometimes they make me wonder if I still have my sanity intact.
But everyday and all the time, I'm especially glad their mine.

And this is the end.

Weekends...

This is how I like to spend them.

The only thing that could make this picture better would be perhaps this...

and maybe a pedicure...

and maybe spoons to eat our ice cream with...
and maybe doing this in our own house as apposed to my parents basement.

Either way I still enjoy it!