7th grade health class (or was it 8th?) has scarred me for life. I remember sitting in the classroom watching the "Miracle of Life" (don't be fooled by it's innocent title) where it shows the all the developmental stages of a human fetus. I particularly enjoyed watching the 9th month. You could see the baby moving, sucking it's thumb, and kicking. You could hear pleasant laughter amongst my peers as we watched this unborn child playing inside its mothers womb. Then unexpectedly and with out warning the picture on the TV changed. To my horror, and everyone else around me, there displayed for all to see was an extreme close up shot of a little babies crowing head and woman's va-jay-jay. I didn't even know this lady and here she is wide open with her legs in stirrups and her va-jay-jay exposed for all to see. My stomach started to turn and I felt as if I was about to throw-up. I wanted to scratch my eyes out, but what good would that do? The images of what I had just witnessed had been ingrained in my mind FOREVER.
The scene out of that movie (curse you "Miracle of Life"!) kept playing over, and over....and over in my mind. I had now become that lady that I swore I would never be. The lady with my legs in the stirrups and exposed for all to see. It was almost as if my "womanly parts" had now become as common as say...looking at my elbow. Nate was on left leg duty while the nurse was on right leg and the doctor was front and center (poor guy...he has to witness the "Miracle of Life" multiple times a day. If I'm scarred just from seeing it once, think of how messed up he must be). Everyone was in their place and the epidural had finally kicked in, we were good to go.
The nurse, who was watching my contractions on the little monitor, was coaching me on when to push, "OK, here comes a big contraction now push!", "rrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh...." at this point I should have been thinking about the excitement of having a baby, but instead I was secretly praying that my earlier act of desperation (taking the caster oil) wouldn't take full affect...at least not now, it just wouldn't be good timing. My quiet prayer was quickly interrupted by, "Alright, here comes another good contraction...now push!" I didn't have time to be worried about my bodily functions, I was about to have a baby, "rrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh....".
After about 45 minutes of, "hheeee, heeee, hooo's", "hheee, heee, haaa's" and "rrrgggghhhh's" my thoughts from earlier that day had been confirmed. Yep, she definitely didn't want to come out. She probably knew that her odds of survival were better in then they were out. She was hanging on for dear life and I didn't blame her. I was going to give it one final effort before I declared it a total loss, one last push (which is very hard to do when you're numb from the belly button down). I pushed with every last bit of energy that was left in my body and prayed that the doctor wouldn't have to resort to using what I like to call salad tossers (the medically correct terminology would be forceps) to get the baby out. "RRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH....!"
"Here she comes!" the doctor exclaimed. My heart stopped for a moment. Really?...This child that I held inside me for 9 long months, that had actually felt like it became a part of me was on her way out! Out comes her little head, instead of facing down she was facing up and her little eyes popped wide open staring at the world around. Excitement and adrenalin filled my body and with one last push she was out.
The doctor gently placed this sweet new infant in my arms and I was flooded with emotions I never knew existed. My fear of being a Mom was quickly replaced by this new found love I was feeling for this brand new baby girl that was mine....all mine (and Nate's too). I stroked her little baby cheeks and held on to her little wrinkled fingers and just stared at her. I could have stared at her for hours, she was perfect! Everything I had imagined her to be and more. I feeling of deep love wrapped around our new little family as Nate and I held our little angel close. It was the closest to heaven I have ever felt. It was a testament to how much our Heavenly Father loves us and that He trusts US enough to place us with such a great responsibility as to raising this child.
5 years (and 7 days) have passed so quickly and that new little baby is not so little any more. We celebrated Abrie's 5th birthday last Thursday and it's hard to believe that my baby is 5. I always get those sweet old ladies in the grocery stores that would come up to me with face of longing and say, "cherish your little ones, they grow up way too fast". That statement couldn't be more true. I have enjoyed every minute and second that Heavenly Father has blessed me with to be with Abrie. She has given my life more purpose and meaning than it has ever had before. Every pain I had, every tear that I shed was well worth it. I wouldn't of had it any other way.
I am a Mom.... and there's nothing else I would rather be.
The scene out of that movie (curse you "Miracle of Life"!) kept playing over, and over....and over in my mind. I had now become that lady that I swore I would never be. The lady with my legs in the stirrups and exposed for all to see. It was almost as if my "womanly parts" had now become as common as say...looking at my elbow. Nate was on left leg duty while the nurse was on right leg and the doctor was front and center (poor guy...he has to witness the "Miracle of Life" multiple times a day. If I'm scarred just from seeing it once, think of how messed up he must be). Everyone was in their place and the epidural had finally kicked in, we were good to go.
The nurse, who was watching my contractions on the little monitor, was coaching me on when to push, "OK, here comes a big contraction now push!", "rrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhh...." at this point I should have been thinking about the excitement of having a baby, but instead I was secretly praying that my earlier act of desperation (taking the caster oil) wouldn't take full affect...at least not now, it just wouldn't be good timing. My quiet prayer was quickly interrupted by, "Alright, here comes another good contraction...now push!" I didn't have time to be worried about my bodily functions, I was about to have a baby, "rrrrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh....".
After about 45 minutes of, "hheeee, heeee, hooo's", "hheee, heee, haaa's" and "rrrgggghhhh's" my thoughts from earlier that day had been confirmed. Yep, she definitely didn't want to come out. She probably knew that her odds of survival were better in then they were out. She was hanging on for dear life and I didn't blame her. I was going to give it one final effort before I declared it a total loss, one last push (which is very hard to do when you're numb from the belly button down). I pushed with every last bit of energy that was left in my body and prayed that the doctor wouldn't have to resort to using what I like to call salad tossers (the medically correct terminology would be forceps) to get the baby out. "RRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH....!"
"Here she comes!" the doctor exclaimed. My heart stopped for a moment. Really?...This child that I held inside me for 9 long months, that had actually felt like it became a part of me was on her way out! Out comes her little head, instead of facing down she was facing up and her little eyes popped wide open staring at the world around. Excitement and adrenalin filled my body and with one last push she was out.
The doctor gently placed this sweet new infant in my arms and I was flooded with emotions I never knew existed. My fear of being a Mom was quickly replaced by this new found love I was feeling for this brand new baby girl that was mine....all mine (and Nate's too). I stroked her little baby cheeks and held on to her little wrinkled fingers and just stared at her. I could have stared at her for hours, she was perfect! Everything I had imagined her to be and more. I feeling of deep love wrapped around our new little family as Nate and I held our little angel close. It was the closest to heaven I have ever felt. It was a testament to how much our Heavenly Father loves us and that He trusts US enough to place us with such a great responsibility as to raising this child.
5 years (and 7 days) have passed so quickly and that new little baby is not so little any more. We celebrated Abrie's 5th birthday last Thursday and it's hard to believe that my baby is 5. I always get those sweet old ladies in the grocery stores that would come up to me with face of longing and say, "cherish your little ones, they grow up way too fast". That statement couldn't be more true. I have enjoyed every minute and second that Heavenly Father has blessed me with to be with Abrie. She has given my life more purpose and meaning than it has ever had before. Every pain I had, every tear that I shed was well worth it. I wouldn't of had it any other way.
I am a Mom.... and there's nothing else I would rather be.
4 comments:
oh! you brought tears to my eyes..I am serious! I am so emotional since becoming a Mom! Sometimes I watch a show called Baby Story and I always get teary eyed when the doctor places the baby in the Moms arms for the first time. Happy (belated) Birthday to Abrie! You are such a great Mom. Thanks for sharing your stories and making me laugh. (and cry) he he
Abrie is so cute!
Time really does fly! We can't wait to see you guys soon.
That movie was shown on public television when I was about 10 or 11 and my parents recorded it and showed it to me and my older siblings. The best part was two weeks later when my Mom came home to find that my 6 year old brother was showing it to all of his little neighborhood friends. Thank you Miracle of Life
Post a Comment